Ice queens: Russia's Anna Sidorova (C) throws the stone as her teammates Ekaterina Galkina (R) and Alexandra Saitova sweep the ice during the Women's Curling. Photo: ANDREJ ISAKOVIC
Just when you thought curling couldn't get any sexier, it has.
Sir David Attenborough has turned his attention to the “thrrrrust” of the “over-sized walnut” and the “gentle frisking” that accompanies its journey down the frozen river.
The revered natural history presenter applied his skills to curling, the "housework on ice" sport that has increasingly captivated global audiences with its mixture of chess-like strategy, precise skills, eccentric hardware and, of course, the rather good-looking Russian women's team.
BBC's Radio 1 asked Attenborough to provide a little creative interpretation of a match between the UK and USA teams in Sochi.
“In all my years of exploration, these are the creatures I find most curious,” he says. “For the first time ever, filmed over the course of three afternoons in deepest Russia using state of the art cameras, this is curling.”
“Here we have a pack of sliding curlers. Watch as the alpha female displays her dominance over the herd by tapping the head of the frisking broom to check for rogue insects.
“And off she goes, gently but flamboyantly launching the over-sized walnut down the frozen river. The alpha female's job is now complete. It's down to the herd to frantically follow the walnut down the river, gently frisking the foreground.”
The aim of the ritual is to mark your territory by landing your walnut in the centre of the flat, round nest, Attenborough explains.
“The frisking is frantic and often futile, making no difference to the success of the net thrrrust. But it's playful, and all part of what makes this game the sliding curlers play so magical.
“Look how happy it makes them.”
Canada's Globe and Mail dubbed curling “the new cool this Olympics”, pointing out the massive media interest and the lubricious coverage of the female competitors.
Businessinsider.com even made a list of “the sexiest curlers alive!”
Attenborough's BBC curling video was briefly available to anybody who wanted to watch it, but the BBC was later forced to "geoblock" it for anyone outside the UK under the Olympics' ironclad rules on video rights.
Which leaves the field wide open for an Australian version.
Roy and HG?