We shouldn't be giving any more cash handouts to miners

We shouldn't be giving any more cash handouts to miners

Just say you’ve got heaps of spare cash. Should you pay less for stuff? Should you be paying less than those who don’t have heaps of spare cash?

Maybe I’ve oversimplified the issue. Say there’s one really fat kid in the playground. Considering the obesity epidemic among Australia’s children there’s probably heaps of fat kids, but let’s just say for the sake of this argument that there’s only one really fat kid in this particular school playground. 

Lollies and sweets and other junk food made this kid fat. This kid then gets a discount on junk food, because she just consumes so much of it. So that kid is able to get fatter and fatter. She’s even able to sell junk food to all her fat friends at a discount, so they all get larger as well.

Miners are like the fat kids in the playground

Miners are like the fat kids in the playground

There’s also a whole bunch of other not quite so fat kids, who have this agreement, where they all get a small percentage of the junk food as well. The fat girl is able to keep all this up because she calls it a business, the fat friends are all the operators of smaller greed driven companies, and all the other not quite so fat kids are shareholders.

The main point is, if they don’t do some exercise, they’re all going to get diabetes and have strokes and die.

The other point is that the fat kids shouldn’t pay less than the rest of us for diesel fuel.

At the moment, mining companies use a lot of diesel fuel and pay less for it than the rest of us. The Australia Greens party estimate that they receive around $5 billion dollars worth of fuel tax credits per year.

$5 billion would buy enough junk food to make every kid in Australia obese and dead.

The mining companies aren’t the only ones who get these tax credits. Agriculture, forestry and fishing companies also make large claims, and I don’t reckon that they should be allowed to do that either. However they aren’t making as much money as the mining companies.

Also, those industries aren’t taking things out of the ground that can’t be taken out again. They’re producing things that are able to be produced elsewhere, and can be reproduced. For example, while fish don’t grow on trees, there are fish farms, tree plantations and crop fields. For food, and communicating with aliens.

Point is, if we remove the tax credits for mining companies, they’ll just wait until the prices rise and dig it out of the ground a little later. Gold is not a fish, and while trees eventually turn into coal, it takes a lot longerto prouce teh black stuff.

Miners complain that some projects will be put in jeopardy, may close and as a result their profits will be reduced. So what?

The reason the mining industry complains every time they hear they may have to pay more, is because they don't want profits to plummet.  

The mining company is the fattest kid in the playground, and their sole goal is to continually get fatter and fatter, as quickly as they can.

So they will say and do anything they can, to keep putting on weight. I was a fat kid, and I used to lie and steal for lollies because they’re yum.

I’m very sorry about that now, because I had no friends and knew it was wrong. Mining companies don’t care about having friends, or the difference between right and wrong.

They don’t care about people, the future, the environment, the planet or you, unless of course you’re a shareholder.

Making them pay a decent price for diesel fuel only means that the mining profits are spread more evenly across Australia.

Yes you know, that place where we all live?  It's a country which has limited amount of resources and once they’re gone, that’s it. Unless you’re prepared to wait tens of thousands of years.

Also, you know who owns the ground they’re digging it out of? We all do.

The mining companies state that because the diesel fuel is not being used for on-road vehicles, but that it’s for generators and suchlike, then they deserve a fuel subsidy.

I’m calling that bullshit. That cost is called the cost of doing business, and it doesn’t matter what you use it for, diesel fuel has a price that includes a tax and everyone should be paying it. Even the fat kids.

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian. His debut non fiction comedy book is called 'Mining My Own Business'.

Xavier will be performing in Abany on Saturday May 3. Click here to buy tickets.