She teaches them to know what makes them feel uncomfortable and stand up for themselves, and to trust their intuition.

But in particular she teaches them that if an adult ever asks them to keep a secret, to tell her or their dad straight away.

“You don’t want to expose your kids to harm, but at the same time by not talking to them about real-life harm and abuse and how that can occur you're actually in some ways leaving them open to exposure,” Lula said.

For Lula, the grooming began when she was two and the abuse started at the tender age of three. A man close to the family chronically sexually abused her for about a year.

It was only when her mother took her to hospital for an infection that she discovered what had happened.

Lula’s mother reported the abuse to police, but the man was never charged. The family decided not to proceed after it was explained to Lula that she would have to be in the same room as the perpetrator in court.

“I distinctly remember my mum asking me, she said she would support me, but told me how the court process would work. I felt sick at the idea, so I said no.”

Despite Lula’s subsequent education about abuse, she fell into a bad relationship when she moved out of home. It was made even worse as her mother had constantly warned her about “charm syndrome”.

“The men who appear as one thing - very gregarious, kind, all those elements of romance - and then switch and are someone else behind closed doors. I think I felt more guilt and shame finding myself in a destructive relationship that involved that pattern of abuse because I knew this isn’t what should be happening and I am now repeating that cycle.”

Lula said that made it even harder to share what she was going through with family or friends.

“I felt like I was letting them down,” she said.

She found a “deep resolve” to get out, and one day called her mother and told her what was happening. Once again, her mother got her out of the situation.

Lula is one of six ACT women sharing their lived experience of sexual violence, and domestic and family violence as part of Voices for Change, a joint initiative between Domestic Violence Crisis Service and YWCA Canberra.

The women have been trained to share their stories to help the community relate to those who have experienced violence.

While domestic and family violence affects all ages and genders, it is most commonly carried out by men against women who are their current or former partners. In Australia, more than one woman a week on average is killed by a partner or former partner.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics data from 2016, 11.6 million women Australia-wide had experienced domestic and family violence since the age of 15. In children under 15 years of age, 16 per cent of girls and 11 per cent of boys had experienced abuse.

“People need to understand that those people who have experienced domestic violence, family violence, sexual violence, are people that you know,” Lula said.

“As a consequence of that or directly related, the people who perpetrate those types of violence are people you already know.”

Decades on from her traumatic experiences, Lula is sharing her story to help people realise that violence happens to people you wouldn’t expect.

“People would say, ‘I don’t really know anyone [who has been the victim of domestic violence]’ and I would go, 'well you do, it’s me'.”

"This is everywhere. Everywhere. One in six women experience intimate partner violence. That's a lot of men using violence against their intimate partners."

“This isn’t happening in deep, dark places far away, this is happening in middle class, educated suburbs of Canberra.”

But, she said, just because you've been a victim of domestic or family violence, that doesn't have to define your life.

“I’ve always had really good men in my life so I knew it wasn’t a blanket rule that men behaved like this, but I knew there were plenty of men that do.

"It took a long time for me to realise that trust isn’t something people earn, it’s something you choose to give. I choose to trust my husband. I chose to want that for myself.”

Lula said raising children brought up a lot of questions about what to talk to them about from her personal experiences and when it would be appropriate to do that.

"It's a really interesting path to try to navigate as a mum. Here's some situational awareness and here's how we can best, at your age, give you the language and tools to recognise those things without shattering their sense of security and their sense of the world."

"How do I prepare them to be really strong in themselves and trust their own judgement when people are treating them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable?

"At the same time, wanting them to feel secure in their place in the world."

For parents who have been abused and for those who haven't, talking to children about abuse is difficult.

The ACT government recommends that if a child discloses abuse, it's important to take that seriously, be mindful of the potential distress and confusion they are feeling and remain calm.

The government advises parents to listen carefully, tell them you believe them, reassure them they have done the right thing by speaking up and that they are not to blame. Let them know what you will do next, and don't make promises you can't keep - like telling the child you won't tell anyone.

Report the abuse to child protection services in the ACT on this number: 1300 556 729.