The Liberal Party launch the youth site no-one has been waiting for
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The Liberal Party launch the youth site no-one has been waiting for

The Kids are totes obsessed with redefining what constitutes a small business, right? Gnarly!

The last few months of stagnant polling has told us in no uncertain terms that Australian voters really do not care for either of the major parties these days, but they especially are not enamoured of the Coalition.

One theory for this indifference is that the values of the Liberal Party are an opaque mystery and that if only people - especially young people - just knew what the party stood for they would enthusiastically get on board with the conservative revolution.

Jim Molan, 67, has something to say to the yoof of today.

Jim Molan, 67, has something to say to the yoof of today.

Some might reasonably counter that maybe Australians are well aware of party's values and would rather that they were less obsessed with values and more focussed on passing sensible legislation based on good data. But that stuff is far more difficult and offers fewer opportunities for sanctimonious pieces about how dumb the Left is.

And it's that firm commitment to empty moral grandstanding that makes sites like The Fair Go - launched by the Liberal Party on Saturday - such a hilarious mess.

This, reportedly, is their attempt to appeal to The Young People and swing voters and kill the insidious influence of the web-savvy activists of GetUp!, starting with copying the format of Junkee.com and ending with buttons to allow readers to share pieces to LinkedIn, like the young people so love to do.

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One huge stumbling block is the fact that you need to register with the site in order to read the articles, which is a transparent mailing list builder that casual readers will likely avoid. Those already committed to the party will find there are already much better echo chambers: Facebook does a far stronger job of reinforcing existing political prejudices, for example, and you get to do it with people you like.

In case you're not prepared to create a fake name and email for your account, here's what you're missing.

There's the first in what promises to be a series of think pieces by 67-year-old Jim Molan, failed NSW Senate candidate and former senior military officer best known for his involvement in Operation Sovereign Borders, whose entire message is that you people don't know how good you have it here, dagnabbit.

There's also a killer take down of the sad old men of the Left, such as UK Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn (who is a year older than the eternally youthful Molan) and Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders, who are sad old "grandaddies" - unlike Australia's Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull who is a 29year old hip-hop artist and skateboard mogul, or deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce who rose to fame as an online sensation doing note perfect Justin Bieber covers on YouTube. #conservativesrkool

There's also a piece by Penny Fischer, the former Liberal councillor for Camden Council explaining that we don't need to bother with this "identity politics" malarky because we're all just people, right?

She's a perfect candidate to make this case since, like Fischer, we're all well off people who insist that we're not interested in the gender split on that boards of the many companies in which we invest and can get ahead despite having parents who are already career politicians. After all, in a sense, aren't we all the daughter of NSW Family and Community Services Minister Pru Goward? #privilegeisamyth

And since Australian women never ever ever have to worry about gender pay disparities or higher rates of sexual violence or elevated risk of being murdered by a current or former partner or accessing safe and legal abortion services or any of that boring jive, she's obviously right to declare that those that talk about that stuff are merely on "an ideological mission to create perpetual conflict between genders, to exact revenge on men, and never to let peace reign." #notallstrawmen

(If Fischer sounds familiar, it's because she came to some renown last year for refusing to read the Aboriginal Acknowledgement of Country which customarily begins each council session. After all, we're all just people, right?)

There's plenty of other hip content for The Kids, including a defence of the planned Australian Values Statement for immigrants (fully lit!), why we need to "streamline" Medicare (dopecore!) and how we totes need to lift the definition of small business from an annual turnover of $2 million to $10 million. You know, the stuff that today's yoof are always snapchatting about.

It's worth remembering that Labor's short-lived attempt to do a similar thing with the Labor Herald lasted barely a year, with the entire site put on ice despite an announcement that they were taking "a short break so that we can rest up, recharge, and get ready for 2017" last December along with both their Twitter and Facebook. The Fair Go should be ample encouragement to stretch that break out indefinitely.

Then again, it's very useful for political parties to create these sorts of outlets, if only to confirm that they are exactly as laughably out of touch as they appear. #hashtag!

Andrew P Street

Andrew P Street is a columnist for Fairfax Media.

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