Tyrel Lomax grew up with a dream to play for the ACT Brumbies and Wallabies. But the closer he got, the more he realised he couldn't ignore the black feeling in his stomach.
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That's why the hulking front-rower followed his gut, and his heart, to New Zealand to take a rugby chance, knowing he'd regret it if he didn't back himself to move out of his comfort zone.
"I wanted to play for the All Blacks, that was the main thing," Lomax said. "And it was about representing my family, getting back to New Zealand.
"I tried to picture myself playing for the Wallabies and wondering what it would feel like. It probably didn't feel right, to be honest. And I'm happy with how it's going so far."
Lomax, 22, was back in the capital last week after making his Test debut for the world's best team, the All Blacks, in a clash against Japan in November.
The Canberra schoolboy star and former junior Wallabies player of the year was earmarked for Australian senior duties last year when coach Michael Cheika added the then 20-year-old to a training squad.
The son of former Canberra Raiders hardman John Lomax was destined to wear Wallabies gold. He'd progressed through the ranks, had a Super Rugby contract as a teenager and at 127 kilograms had the size to be a tighthead prop.
But the All Blacks machine and New Zealand family heritage was always nagging in the background. John Lomax played 15 games for the New Zealand rugby league team and only moved to Canberra to join the Raiders.
So Tyrel wanted to wear black and could emerge as one of New Zealand's World Cup bolters next year, leaving the Brumbies and the Wallabies to wonder 'what if' after he moved his career abroad.
Lomax, behind Scott Sio and Allan Alaalatoa, left the Brumbies for a chance to play in Melbourne, then left the Rebels for a chance to chase his All Blacks ambitions and he's got no regrets.
"Going through school I always thought I would play for the Brumbies. I got to the end of the under-20s and it was tough to leave, but I just wanted to play professional rugby," Lomax said.
"I just want to use everything I've learnt this year to have a good season and then see what happens.
"The World Cup [is motivation], but the main thing is trying to get a start spot at the Highlanders and maintaining that. That's the first step for me before I start getting ahead of myself."
All Blacks coach Steve Hansen took a keen interest in Lomax's rise at a very early stage, even before the front-rower made a commitment to New Zealand rugby and left the Rebels last year.
So it was fitting that Hansen presented Lomax with his first Test cap after the win against Japan, surrounded by teammates and family.
"That week was to give me a taste of what it's like to be in that environment, and then to go away and I know what I need to do to close the gap between me and the other props," Lomax said.
"There are a few things you can get away with at Super Rugby that you can't at international rugby. There were some things I learnt in that week."
Lomax played 15 games for the Highlanders this season, starting in nine of those matches. But perhaps the most important phase of his move was an apprenticeship alongside the most-capped player in Super Rugby history.
Lomax teamed up with Canterbury Crusaders champion Wyatt Crockett for Tasman in the New Zealand provincial competition. Crockett played 202 games for the Crusaders and helped develop Lomax this year.
Soon after Lomax was on the plane to play for the All Blacks and then a New Zealand Maori team.
"I don't feel like I've got to prove anything," Lomax said. "I got to watch Owen Franks and the other props in the All Blacks, and saw everything they do away from the team to get right for the weekend. Everything about this year has been a big learning curve for me."
