I snuck in another morning to steal a chat with a sleepy head who is overflowing from his king single bed. He wanted me to wake him up this morning before I left for work. Things to do. He patted the mattress next to him and I just wanted to crawl in beside him. This was much easier when he wasn't six foot and as he entwined his fingers into mine and I realised how big his hands had gotten. No longer little pudgy fingers that would wrap around my body.

I'm feeling so melancholy at times. I know I'm being overly dramatic, I've been practicing this for almost four years now. A week on own every other week. I went for days over the Easter break not talking to anyone. The silence was not golden.

Those of you whose children have fully grown their wings tell me they never really leave. Whether it's to move back in in between houses or jobs, whether it's to ask you to mind their children, or just that they're off that generation who have to save until they're 50 to actually buy a home. The nest is always ruffled by their feathers.

But I'm not ready. A survey by the Australian Seniors Insurance Agency (do I qualify yet?) found that 49.4 per cent of women felt sad when their children left home, compared to 31.4 per cent of men. For me it's about dealing with the idea that while I'll always be their mother, my days of practical hands' on mothering will soon be done.

These holidays are a fine example of that. No longer do they need me to amuse them during the day, feed them, search out places for us to visit, find things to do. I loved the holidays where our days were full of Lego and cooking and trips to Questacon or the park. They do that all by themselves now. As long as there is food in the fridge and the wi-fi is working they are happy campers.

More than half of the seniors in the survey found these feelings of sadness and loneliness changed over time. And while one in three felt facing an empty nest was more difficult than expected more than half were happy with the added bonuses - more time for hobbies and interests, more travel, more disposable income.

I thought I would be in a better place four years on, knowing that the time would come, permanently, eventually, but I'm not.

And if I have to ask myself why, if I'm honest, it's because I'm still single. All these loved up couples with more time and money to travel overseas. Who has time for hobbies when you're dealing with everything around the house on your own? Travel? Surely experiences and making memories are better shared.

I wondered how much research has been done into how single parents cope once they are once again on their own?

I found a very reputable source on the internet - oprah.com. Once she got over talking about couples - "A Sunday without the kids can now become a chance to go hiking together; raucous family meals turn into intimate dinners for two. And sex can regain some of the old abandon of the pre-children days" - she went on to say that the passage to a childless household can be particularly tough on some single mothers who, overnight, find themselves completely alone. Thanks O, here's to that best life.

I ask myself sometimes, who will I be once these moppets have gone. If I'm attending my pity party I believe it is no one, not a mother. But then perhaps I need to realise it will actually be an opportunity for me to fully unfold these wings and soar. I hope.