Canberra Raiders centre Joey Leilua says the neck surgery that almost ended his career was one of his "darkest days", admitting he didn't think about the NRL for almost a month.
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But the Raiders X-factor is edging closer to a shock comeback, possibly before the end of the season, after doctors cleared him to return to Raiders training last week.
Leilua is hopeful of playing in the one of the last six rounds of the regular season and taking part in the Raiders' looming finals campaign as the Green Machine chase a drought-breaking title.
The 27-year-old hasn't played since he woke up in pain on the morning of Canberra's clash against the Penrith Panthers in Wagga in May.
Scans discovered a bulging disc and he had surgery, but doctors were unsure when, or if, Leilua would be able to play again.
He has slowly increased his training and has been allowed to return to full sessions for the past week, giving him hope he can be a late addition to the finals charge.
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"It goes down to our medical staff ... it's just a mentality thing. I wanted to get back out there a step at a time," Leilua said on the Raiders' podcast.
"Once I got the all clear from the surgeon ... I knew I'd be back this year.
"There's a bit of banter when I came back [to the squad]. It's good to be back with the boys, I missed it. I missed every session.
"I'm feeling good, the weight's back, the strength is back and I'm just back in form.
"I'm very excited. The team is going so well, I don't want to come back in and break the vibe. I'll do what's best for the team.
I'm still passionate about footy. But for me, it's family first and footy second.
- Joey Leilua
"I'm still passionate about footy. But for me, it's family first and footy second."
Leilua's health scare put his 199-game career on hold. More importantly, it put it in perspective.
His biggest fear about the injury and the ensuing operation on his neck was not being able to play with his two children: Leonidas and LaDanian.
"It was probably the second darkest day of my career. I knew it was going to be tough, but the support I have with family and this club I knew I was going to get through it.
"The hardest part was thinking of my kids, thinking if I could play with them again. I wanted to be pain free. When I got the surgery done and I was happy with it, the first thing I wanted to do was hold them."
Leilua's recovery has surprised everyone at Raiders HQ and his return would be a massive boost for Canberra's charge to the play-offs.
The Raiders are fourth on the ladder and will be chasing a fourth win in a row when they play the New Zealand Warriors on Friday.
Nick Cotric and Michael Oldfield have had the job of filling Leilua's right centre position for the past two months, with Cotric to make his comeback from suspension next week.
But Leilua is waiting for his opportunity to return as well.
"I just woke up with a sore neck [before the Panthres]. I couldn't sleep all night, I stayed awake until 9am when I saw the doctor," Leilua said.
"He didn't believe me at first. He thought it was a back spasm. But I said I couldn't feel my neck.
"I was trying to hold a tough face. Four days later we got the scan and realised something pretty bad was wrong with it.
NRL ROUND 2
Friday: New Zealand Warriors v Canberra Raiders at Mt Smart Stadium, 6pm.
Raiders: 1. Charnze Nicoll-Klokstad, 2. Bailey Simonsson, 3. Jarrod Croker (C), 4. Michael Oldfield, 5. Jordan Rapana, 6. Jack Wighton, 7. Aidan Sezer, 8. Josh Papalii, 9. Josh Hodgson (C), 10. Sia Soliola, 11. John Bateman, 12. Elliott Whitehead, 13. Joe Tapine. Interchange from: 14. Siliva Havili, 15. Emre Guler, 16. Corey Horsburgh, 17. Dunamis Lui, 18. Sam Williams, 19. Hudson Young, 20. Sebastian Kris, 21. Royce Hunt.
Warriors: 1. Roger Tuivasa-Sheck, 2. Gerard Beale, 3. Peta Hiku, 4. Blake Ayshford, 5. Ken Maumalo, 6. Kodi Nikorima, 7. Blake Green, 8. Agnatius Paasi, 18. Kyle Lawton, 10. Leeson Ah Mau, 11. Adam Blair, 12. Isaiah Papalii, 13. Jazz Tevaga. Interchange from: 14. Lachlan Burr, 15. Sam Lisone, 16. Bunty Afoa, 17. Chanel Harris-Tavita, 20. Josh Curran, 21. Adam Pompey, 22. Adam Keighran.