It doesn't matter how they are dressed, how big their smile is, how together their life might look from the outside - you can never assume they are OK.

Regardless of what school your children go to, there is always one mum you try to avoid. She is the one who always looks immaculate. Her hair is shiny with that freshly-washed look. Her skin just gleams. And don't get me started on her kids. Their uniforms are ironed, hair brushed and teeth sparkling.

To be completely honest with you, half the time when I am dropping my kids off and I haven't even managed to have a shower. My 10 minutes under running water usually comes much later in the day when everyone else is gone.

If I am lucky, I may have thrown a few things in the lunch boxes the night before and at least found matching school socks which means we have a shot at getting to school on time.

However the best thing about "usually" being late, is you become lovely friends with the other three or four mums who are also "usually" late.

But without fail, the perfect mum will wave at you graciously as she pulls out of the car park as you are screaming in.

So imagine my surprise when last year I ran into one of these mums only to find her with eyes brimming and her bottom lip shaking. She looked perfect - the clothes, the make up and shiny hair. But her cheeks were brushed with fresh tears.

Her day hadn't started so well in, what I always thought, was her perfect, wonderful, well-organised world. A simple question at that moment let me know she wasn't OK.

She had her own secrets weighing her down. And the weaker she felt on the inside, the harder she tried on the outside. No one could know she was only just hanging in there.

Had I not walked past her in that moment, I also would never have known how close she was to being in real trouble.

When we see the slogan "are you OK?", it's not just about taking care of people who we know are having a hard time.

It's also about digging around all those who pass through our lives, and making sure we have real conversations, even if at first it feels a little bit uncomfortable.

I am the first to admit I am not always very good at this. I almost avoided an awkward moment and walked past this woman. But in that moment, she wasn't looking for a friend, she just needed someone to talk to. Even someone who hadn't had a shower yet.