Matt Giteau struggles to comprehend the only trade he has ever known could be taken away from him in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic.
But the 37-year-old rugby star says "there are far more important things to actually worry about" than the prospect of his professional career coming to an end.
The remainder of the Japanese Top League season has been cancelled but Giteau is still preparing as if he will return to Suntory Sungoliath for the Japan Cup.
But a lack of clarity regarding when he will be able to return to Japan has left Giteau wondering if he will be able to continue the 20th season of his remarkable career at the elite level.
It is a journey that has seen Giteau earn 103 caps for Australia and win two Super Rugby titles with the ACT Brumbies since graduating from proud rugby nursery St Edmunds College.
"Footy has been my livelihood ever since I left school, but certainly, when you put things in perspective it's not the be all and end all," Giteau said.
"As much as I'd love to play, there are a lot more serious things happening in the world. Watching the news seeing [lines outside] Centrelink and people with their livelihoods on the line, I'm pretty realistic and grateful for the position I am in compared to others.
"I've just got to take it day by day and wait to see what happens as far as my situation is concerned.
"From Suntory's point of view, they were looking to the future. For me, I wanted to get back and spend more time with the family.
"That's still my priority and still Suntory's priority, but as far as if this is my last year, I don't know. It just feels strange, I suppose no one really knows.
"I was planning on playing the season out and seeing how I feel, but at the moment we've only managed to get to halfway. There are so many more important things to actually worry about.
"To keep sane, I try to keep fit anyway. Whether I am playing next year or not, I'd be trying to keep fit because it keeps me feeling healthy, active and in the best frame of mind."
Giteau is one of several Top League players who have left Japan to return home to their families as governments impose border restrictions to stop the spread of COVID-19.
His latest stint in Japan lasted less than three weeks given Giteau was home at the start of March to spend time with his family.
But he will have little chance to do anything similar with local clubs told to abandon training sessions and seasons being suspended to curb the virus.
For now he is staying home with his pregnant wife and two kids, waiting for the call to say it's safe to resume playing.
"Everyone is a bit in the dark at the moment," Giteau said.
"They've given us a rough time frame of three weeks to come back and start training and preparing for the next competition, which is the Japan Cup.
"I'm just approaching that as if it's going ahead, and until we're told otherwise, I just need to stay fit and get ready for that competition.
"I'm fortunate enough that a while ago at my house I set up a gym. I've got all the weights, all the equipment, a rowing machine, everything that can keep me as fit as I need to be until I can get some running in. I don't really know what's going on at the moment."