A former university student who says she was raped in an alleyway during an alcohol-fuelled college event has felt aimless and like a completely different person since the assault, a court has heard.
The woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, burst into tears as she took the witness stand and gave an oath in her ACT Supreme Court case against John XXIII College.
She's suing the Australian National University college on grounds it failed in its duty of care to her.
The woman says John XXIII shouldn't have let a "pub golf" event go ahead on August 6, 2015. She says that night, or in the early hours of the next morning, another student raped her in an alleyway near the event's last designated venue - Mooseheads in Canberra city.
The woman says after pub golf, she reported being raped to a person at John XXIII College. But, rather than give her adequate assistance, the person allegedly blamed her for the assault and expressed concern at how she'd "managed to get that drunk".
According to court documents, pub golf saw student leaders tape bottles of alcohol to the hands of participants, who would have to drink a certain amount to make "par".
The college denies it failed in its duty of care to the woman. It largely rejects the woman's version of events, and says it banned the pub golf event before John XXIII's residents association went ahead with it anyway in 2015.
In her evidence on Thursday, the former student said she'd lost confidence since she was attacked. The court previously heard she had no memory of the alleged assault, but was told by the perpetrator he'd had sex with her at pub golf days after the event - an admission he later retracted.
"I feel like I'm a completely different person and I'm not my best self," the woman said on Thursday.
"I spend a lot of energy putting on a brave face because I don't want to put others down."
The woman on Thursday indicated she'd always been a high achiever but said she'd struggled to perform well in the workplace after she was raped. She said she was considering studying again so "people won't look at me and wonder why I'm not doing anything at all".
The woman said she had received some help to address her trauma through a psychotherapist, but hadn't sought treatment beyond that because she didn't want to tell her doctor about being raped.
"I don't want to have to recount everything or explain why I feel like this," she said.
"I feel kind of aimless. I feel like getting through each day takes a lot of effort.
"I just feel like I exist, but I'm not really present."
In cross-examining the woman, John XXIII's lawyers asked whether she'd set out to get drunk on the night of August 6. She responded that she'd intended to drink alcohol, but not to get that intoxicated.
The former student was also initially suing the college's residents association, but reached a consent judgment with it on Tuesday.
Court documents said pub golf was one of many events John XXIII's residents association arranged. The other events included "penis peninsula", "tour de capital" and "kill a keg".