Pete Samu still struggles to find the words to describe once being cast aside by the Wallabies without as much as a phone call.
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Feedback was non-existent as the ACT Brumbies' No. 8 tumbled out of World Cup contention 12 months after then-Wallabies coach Michael Cheika had recruited him to Australia.
But now the Super Rugby AU champion is determined to make up for lost time as he sets his sights on earning a Wallabies jersey for Bledisloe Cup opener on October 11.
"It was very frustrating, just not knowing," Samu said.
"That's in the past now so I'm looking forward to the first Test and pulling the gold jersey on again. I know what I've got to work on.
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"It's just been working on those little things as well, in the lineouts and scrums. I've been working on my set piece stuff and around the breakdown.
"There are some great young back-rowers coming through and they're all putting their hand up for that starting spot.
"For me, it's good to have that competition going for the No. 8 spot. Having Harry Wilson there, he had an awesome season as well. It'll be good to compete with Harry for that spot and we'll see how we go."
For now so much of the onus is on those players competing for a place in Dave Rennie's squad for the opening fixture of a jam-packed international schedule.
Because the man charged with preparing the Wallabies' scrum for a showdown with the All Blacks is stuck in the United Kingdom before he flies to Australia.
Rennie handpicked Petrus du Plessis to steel the Australian scrum but his sessions have been limited to video calls, with Samu saying the team's experienced forwards "have been stepping up and taking charge".
Just like Samu wants to do when he returns to the Test arena with a point to prove.
The 28-year-old has not played a Test since November 2018, months after he left New Zealand and a place in the Canterbury Crusaders' title-winning machine.
His arrival in Canberra helped the Brumbies to the Australian crown earlier this month. So it would seem as though success follows his every move - perhaps a good omen for a Wallabies side looking to snap an 18-year Bledisloe Cup drought.
"I actually thought about that the other week after our Super AU final," Samu said.
"I don't know if it's as easy as it sounds. I think the main thing is I'm enjoying my footy. Whether that's a win or a loss, I've still been enjoying myself and loving my time at the Brumbies.
"I didn't play as much Test footy as I wanted but being back in the squad, I'm pretty keen to start playing again and push for a starting spot."
Samu is counting down the days until he can do just that after spending the bulk of his time in New Zealand locked in a hotel room due to biosecurity measures to combat COVID-19.
The Wallabies spent three days isolating in their hotel rooms before emerging for a full squad training session in a designated "green zone" on Tuesday afternoon, with the end of Samu's mystifying international absence near.
However the squad is still required to conform to social distancing rules and wear masks when in transit, in what are dubbed "orange zones".
"We had a little walk-through [on Tuesday morning], not so much running. We had to still keep our two-metre distance so it was quite tough," Samu said.
"We just simulated our game plan and roles around that. Any time we go outside, we've got to keep our distance, no contact, we've got to have our face masks on.
"Later on in the week we should be doing a bit more contact work, they'll probably just ease us back into the running load. There has been a lot of knowledge put into us over these couple of weeks, it's just putting that out on the field."