There were days Curtis Scott didn't care if he woke up, with the Canberra Raider opening up on the nightmare his life became this year.
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The NSW police dragged Scott through the legal system after they arrested him on six charges, including two counts of assaulting police, following Australia Day celebrations that went terribly wrong.
But it was the police's own body camera video footage that painted a horrific picture of the constabulary - firstly waking Scott up, who was asleep under a tree in Moore Park, and then pepper spraying and tasering him while he was handcuffed.
The magistrate threw the case out with a scathing condemnation of their actions.
It led to Scott struggling with his form and getting dropped from the Raiders side as he waited to have his day in court.
The 23-year-old, speaking on former Raider Brett Finch's podcast Uncensored, revealed just how big a mental toll the ordeal took on him.
At first he didn't want to leave his house. And then he was stuck in the NRL bubble and wasn't allowed to.
All the while accepting he'd put himself in the wrong position to start with.
At the time he tried to tell himself everything was OK, but looking back now he knows he was lying to himself.
"I didn't [go out]. I was inside for months. I didn't go out until last week," Scott said.
"It's the first time I've been out since it happened. It was really tough because everyone has their opinion and no one even considered or even thought about my story.
"I had rugby league personalities coming out on the radio, coming out on the news, saying this bloke shouldn't even be playing rugby league.
"It was tough. I'm not going to sit here and say it wasn't tough and I was OK.
"Some days I didn't want to get up or didn't want to go to training or didn't even care if I woke up or not."
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Scott went into the details of what happened after his arrest - waking up in a jail cell knowing he hadn't done anything wrong.
His sister picked him up from the police station before he went back to his family home, where he broke down in his brother's room.
Scott was thankful for his "tight" family, who stuck by his side through it all.
He talked about the pain of not only having to relive his ordeal in court - when they replayed the footage of his arrest - but also the pain of watching his family watch it.
That was even harder.
"I didn't want to watch it," Scott said.
"The hardest thing was watching my family see it and seeing their reaction, that was the hardest thing.
"Seeing my mum break down, seeing my brother break down as well. That was the hardest thing for me."
Scott found himself becoming the scapegoat for fans as the Raiders struggled at times early in the season.
Even when he wasn't playing he copped it on social media - fans blaming him for the loss.
But he said it's made him more resilient and a better person, and also thankful for how lucky he is.
Especially when he knew if any of the charges "stuck", the Raiders would have no choice but to sack him and he'd be digging holes.
All in the first year of a four-year contract with the Green Machine.
That's why he wants to repay the faith the club has shown in him. All of his teammates. And especially Raiders coach Ricky Stuart.
"He just said to me, 'Tell me the truth and I'll stick by you. Don't miss anything in your story or make any bullshit up because I'm going to go into bat for you'," Scott said.
"I told him the exact truth of what happened and he stuck by me through it all and he went into bat for me.
"It would've been extremely tough for him. He was the one who had to face all the questions."
It has him already determined to have a massive 2021.
"I'm ready to prove everyone wrong and shut everyone up. I'm just looking forward to getting down to Canberra because I've got to repay that club," he said.
"I won't be able to because the amount of support they've shown me, [but] I've got to get out and perform.
"I don't like letting anyone down so I've got to get down there and rip in and show them the same respect they've shown me through all this."