Hope you're all settling back into the back-to-school routine. That you've got your schedule sorted out, things pencilled in your diary and that you're on top of it all. I hope too your children are coping with these early weeks of being back in the classroom. It's a big adjustment after 12 weeks of holidays, let alone if it's their first experience of schooling.
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One thing which might help is a chart. Charts are good. Almost as good as lists, you know I love a good list. A chart which ... What does a chart do? Chart? ... ok, a chart which charts the things the children need to do every day. Make your bed, clean your teeth, pack your schoolbag, perhaps a few simple chores like empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, you know the kind of thing I mean.
Gold stickers for everyone.
I tried charts a few times with my own children. It was never successful. They either did it or didn't depending on their mood at the time, not because they knew they would or wouldn't get a gold sticker. I was never a great mother when it came to getting my children to do things. It's not that they were lazy (in a general sense, we all have our moments). It was more because I just usually got on with it and did it myself. Whether that made me a martyr (and some people said that it did) every time I dared complain about doing it all myself, so be it. It's what I did. And in hindsight it's what my mother did too. Hanging out washing at midnight because my father was away for work again. Cleaning the house because she liked it just so. I see her in myself too often.
Even now, my home life runs this way. I don't have them all the time, increasingly less so, so when I do, I do stuff for them. Yes, I'll nag them to pick their clothes off the bathroom floor, but part of me likes doing it because in doing so I have some purpose, in caring for them. It's how I justify still picking up after young adults when they're perfectly capable of doing it. Sad, I know.
So I'm probably in no position to be offering you parenting advice. But I will anyway. Because it's about a chart!
I stumbled across the best parenting chart on Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys Facebook page. Biddulph's been a go-to guy for parenting over the years, when the children were little, and even into their teenage years. His books and social media sites are full of good advice and practical solutions.
This chart is extremely practical, and one I am going to endeavour to put into practice over the following year. I think a year is about how long I've got left to "parent", in the true hands-on definition of the word. I'll always be their mother, but I cannot "mother" them forever.
This chart is a parent's chart. Yes, it's us who get the gold stickers if we achieve things. How exciting! I can't remember the last time I got a gold sticker for anything. No "I swam in a race" ribbon once you pass a certain age. Mind you, wouldn't that be a fun thing, if there was someone to recognise your participation in things as an adult. No need to win anything, hand over the "I got the washing and folding done on the same day" ribbon please.
But the chart ... it's all about how your actions and behaviours affect those around you. We know that, don't we really, but it's much easier to blame someone else.
Here's what we can tick off this week...
Hugged my kid for no reason.
This one's getting harder as they get older. Particularly the boy child who was always snuggly as a youngster. I don't think he realises how much it breaks my heart when I go to hug him and he pulls away. If there's one thing I've realised as a single person it's that sometimes I need a hug for no reason too. We all do. Hug your kids.
Helped my kid clean their room.
See above. Let them see that you care about their room being a joyous place to be.
Took a calming breath before talking.
Too many harsh words this week. Work on this one. (And put this one into practice at work as well.)
Played a board game with my kid and had fun.
And we did during lockdown, didn't we? Keep doing it. Game of Life was never as much fun.
Apologised when I got upset.
It's good to let your children see a wide range of emotions. It's even better to know when you've been in the wrong. Say sorry. And mean it.
Showed grace to my kid when they got upset.
I want my kids to know I am here for them to talk to but I must accept that sometimes they don't want to. I am sorry for not recognising that this week.
Did something silly, just to make my kid laugh.
I love this one. Will work on it. Although now I am worried that attempts at silly might just be seen as lame. Do kids even use the word lame anymore?
Did something just for me, because when I am not calm neither is my kid.
I love this one most of all. There's the best bit of parenting advice anyone could give you right there.
Go and earn yourselves some gold stickers, friends.