School, perhaps further education or qualifications, a career or different jobs, marriage, raising kids, excessive busyness until the family grows, more time to oneself, perhaps caring for elderly parents, retirement and we are more or less done. That is how it pans out for many. I have so far missed the retirement stage, having decided after I finished my primary career of teaching to become a marriage celebrant. But I am more or less on the same trajectory.

Conducting a marriage ceremony for a couple filled with love and confidence of a happy life together is both a privilege and a joy. Until I became a celebrant, I gave little thought to the importance of structures such as marriage, around which the majority of us organise our lives. It provides certainty, support, often financial security, companionship and a loving environment in which children can be nurtured.

But it was not until December 9, 2017, that all couples in Australia had the right to marry regardless of gender. Looking back, it seems shocking Australia did not the lead the way in the marriage equality debate and that it was such an arduous process. I am guessing three-and-a-half years later the impact of marriage equality on those who were strongly opposed has hardly been felt. Their lives continue in the way they always have. But for the LGBTIQ community it has changed dramatically.

I have married many same sex couples. For one couple it was on their 45th anniversary with their house overflowing with friends and family. One of the grooms, in thanking guests, explained they had no emotional or legal need to marry. Their affairs were in order. Their commitment could not be stronger. But they wanted to honour the struggle of so many in gaining for all a fundamental right.

Another couple pointed out now they were married, the children of their previous marriages could be called stepchildren like others in blended families. Before, there had been no word to describe their relationship, despite them growing up in the same family.

But by far the most powerful argument came some time ago from a couple who needed to marry almost immediately. In Australia, under the Marriage Act 1961, one months' notice of intention to marry must be given to the celebrant. But there is provision for a marriage to take place sooner if the couple have compelling circumstances and a "shortening of time" is granted by a prescribed authority. In the ACT the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages (BDM) gives this permission.

Sadly, Mary and Sue met the appropriate criteria. It was early Saturday morning when Sue contacted me to see how soon they could marry, as the day before Mary had been diagnosed with a brain tumour and was to be admitted to hospital on Monday for immediate surgery. Having been together 10 years, it was important for them to marry before such critical and possibly life-changing surgery.

Sue gathered documents and we put together their application to email to BDM for approval. But then I realised it would be Monday morning before their application could be even considered. I had to gently explain to the couple there was no provision for their application to be considered outside of business hours. Surgery on Monday morning would have to go ahead without them being married.

In my 15 years as a celebrant I have done many applications for a shortening of time, but this one was the most urgent.

ACT BDM are very efficient and compassionate in these matters and had it been mid-week in these circumstances, the application would have been approved within hours and I could have married the couple immediately.

In other states a prescribed authority is usually at the local court house and, as such, available at all hours. But somehow there is an anomaly in regulations in Canberra. I took advice from other experienced celebrants and over the next few hours it became clear to me the greater moral imperative.

On Sunday morning Sue contacted me again. The surgery had been postponed till Wednesday. BDM approved their application on Monday and I married them on Tuesday.

Some might wonder why after 10 years marriage was so important to them. Here's why, as Sue explained to me:

"I can't begin to tell you how much being married meant to us today as we spent a gruelling four hours of pre-admission interviews, questioning, tests, exams etc - dealing with about eight different health professionals - all of whom were totally dismissive of me - assuming that I must have been the friend, the driver, the neighbour. I was a nobody - to be given the back to and ignored until they asked the inevitable question which came in many forms - 'do you have a support person to bring you in on the day of surgery', 'with whom do you live', etc. To which we boldly answered, 'Yes, of course. Me, Sue. Mary's wife'. It was so powerful! Suddenly (and shockingly for them) I was a somebody - to be seen and listened to!"

But for a surgeon's busy operating schedule, Sue could so easily have remained a 'nobody.'

I imagine it is very rare an application for a shortening of time needs to be considered at a weekend or out of business hours. The very fact it needs to be indicates its urgency. It is not good enough in our capital city there is no provision for this.

The ACT does not need its registrar general of BDM on speed dial out of hours. Surely the magistrate, always on call for urgent court and police matters, could be the nominated prescribed authority, out of business hours.

Then, in a matter of great urgency, everyone has the opportunity to be a husband. Or a wife. A 'somebody'.