Nick Feakes felt like he was stuck in the shadows.
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Forced to undergo two surgeries and a cleanout of his knee, watching from afar as his NOLA Gold teammates played a Major League Rugby season without him. Life in The Big Easy was anything but.
The 26-year-old missed lining up in a white and gold jersey, looking up at the United States flag as The Star-Spangled Banner rung out around a 10,000-seat stadium dubbed the "Gold Mine" in Louisiana.
It's a moment he never envisioned as he grew up playing junior rugby in Canberra for the Uni-Norths Owls - but it's one the utility back can't wait to live out again.
Feakes is back in Canberra for the first time since Christmas 2016, booking flights on a whim a week and a half ago as soon as he heard international borders were opening.
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It feels like he's been away from home "forever". But as for his return to the football field in New Orleans?
"I wish it started now," Feakes said.
That's why you might have seen him doing conditioning work with Gold teammate and former ACT Brumby Robbie Coleman at Campese Oval in Queanbeyan this week.
"It's funny, I used to watch the bloke when I was 13, 14, 15, whatever," Feakes said.
"He's probably my best mate over there for NOLA. It's been awesome to see him, he's just had a kid, it's been great doing a bit of training with him."
Both are coming off anterior cruciate ligament tears, desperate to return to the United States to play their part in a fledgling rugby competition which has already lured the likes of Matt Giteau, Adam Ashley-Cooper, Ma'a Nonu and Mathieu Bastareaud into its ranks.
Though Feakes has barely seen a minute of the action over the past two seasons. He managed just two games before the 2020 season was scrapped due to the COVID-19 pandemic, so he took a chance in Bermuda at a world 10s championship.
The prototype series designed to get 10-a-side rugby off the ground brought teams together for three tournaments over a month. It was there Feakes was on the receiving end of a late hit that made his body twist and bend in a way it was never designed to do.
"It just tore [my knee] all up," Feakes said.
"Unfortunately another bloke on my team in New Orleans did his at the same tournament so I think we're all banned from going back to any 10-a-side tournaments.
"It's been nearly a year now since I did it. It took ages, I had two surgeries and a bit of scar tissue removed. It was a bit of a shocker of an injury unfortunately."
Feakes blended his rehabilitation program with a role as the club's under 18s coach, taking free rein over the New Orleans youth development program, and started a consulting business to help international students travel to the States to study on rugby scholarships like Feakes had.
But the entire time he was counting down the minutes until his comeback. Now it's closer than ever with the new season to commence in February.
"It's kind of a tough place to be because you're part of the team, but you're not getting that same sense of camaraderie, or making those connections and feeling like one of the boys [like you would] if you were training," Feakes said.
"You do all your rehab and your gym separately but you're in the same building. You're part of the team but you're not really. It was obviously tough, feeling like you were missing out on making those connections and feeling like you were one of the boys.
"It was pretty tough mentally. I did my best to try and be as big and best part of the team as possible, but still it is tough when you're there but you're not there.
"You're almost kind of sitting and watching in the shadows. That was difficult for sure, in terms of the team culture, that was the biggest thing I missed out on that year.
"I haven't felt like a part of the team in so long so it will be nice to get back out there on the training paddock and feel like you're one of the boys again and you can do everything they can do.
"It's such a long off-season as well, so you've got so much time to take off after the season. I wish it started now, I'm itching to get back out there and feel like a part of the team again."
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