Denise Scott is kind of glad there was a mask mandate during Melbourne's 262-day lockdown.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
"I ended up having to shave my face because you couldn't go to a beautician," says the Australian comedy maven.
"Well, actually, that's a lie, I didn't, I grew a goatee in the end and gave thanks for mandatory mask wearing."
She and fellow Melbourne comedian Judith Lucy endured the world's longest lockdown tackling the big questions. How many meals can I eat in one day? Do I have a drinking problem? Will I ever wear a bra again? How will I survive living with my partner 24/7?
They'll answer those questions, and pose more, in their new show, Still Here, which opens in Canberra on February 23.
"It really is true," says Lucy, "if you don't laugh, you cry. The whole show is like a terrifying documentary."
The pair, who are firm friends off stage, kept in contact via Zoom during the pandemic, trying to work on a new project after the success of their 2017 show Disappointments, which won the 2017 Melbourne Comedy Festival's People's Choice Award.
"But most phone calls we'd both go 'I've got nothing, absolutely nothing' and then we'd just have a chat for an hour or so," says Lucy, "even if it was just about Scotty having chops for dinner."
But they've cobbled enough gags together - and three dance numbers - to come up with a show about COVID and lockdown and curfews, as a kind of memorium to the whole thing.
"You forget about all the crazy stuff that happened," says Scott. "There was a curfew, you couldn't leave your house after 8pm, there was an earthquake, there were riots. In some ways we are kind of documenting what happened."
Scott, 66, and Lucy, 53, are proud to be representing women of a certain age, despite Lucy's initial take. "Women our age should be quiet, indeed all women over 40 should be put down. What's the point, if you're not young, 26, and still capable of having children, what use are you to society?" she says.
"There is still this ridiculous idea on a lot of commercial radio and television networks that after a certain age, especially if you're female, you're expected to go into a deep freeze. It's not like we're dead, we still have money and opinions. It's astonishing to me that we're not included in the conversation anymore.
"Because there's still a limited number of things that women of a certain age have access to, things that are actually about them and for them, that's what gets people coming along."
Scott has been a regular on the comedy scene for close to three decades, with television and radio gigs supplementing her stand-up shows.
Lucy's first comedy gig was in 1989 and she too has been a regular on screen and stage.
"We have this conversation regularly," says Lucy, "where we can't believe, at our age, that this is what we do, that this is our job, it still blows my mind."
"I'm the same," says Scott, "I am quite mystified that I keep getting work, that I keep making work, I am grateful, very grateful that I get to do what I do."
They've worked together on several occasions for the past 20 years. In 1999 they teamed up with Lynda Gibson for the award-winning Comedy is Not Pretty, and regrouped in 2003 for Comedy is Still Not Pretty.
Gibson was dying of ovarian cancer during the final run in 2003, and died in January, 2004, aged only 47.
"It was an incredibly challenging time for everyone," says Lucy. "That cemented our friendship really."
But, "without this sounding like a serious TED talk", says Scott, it really put everything in perspective.
"Ever since, we've always just wanted to keep a positive spin on things. At the end of the day, I think Judith is hilarious ["Snap," says Lucy] and so we just revel in that.
"If there's one thing the whole thing with Linda taught us is that life is precious - I'm just getting further into the TED talk here - but ever since it's like we really appreciate having one another to work with on stage, not to be on our own.
"I feel very liberated when I work with Judith, I say and do a lot more than I would if I was on stage on my own. She makes me filthy, so basically it's all her fault."
Lucy says it's rare in the industry to find people you can work with, who you actually like off stage as well.
"Even the best-known duos in this game, they don't really hang out together when they're not working, but we do," she says.
"I feel very lucky to have Miss Scott in my life."
They're looking forward to opening the tour in Canberra.
"Without even trying to suck up to you Karen, Canberra audiences tend to be very smart and receptive to clever comedy," says Lucy. "We just hope people are keen to have a fun night out, have a few laughs.
"For us, it's just great to be finally allowed out of the house."
- Still Here, Judith Lucy and Denise Scott, Canberra Theatre, February 23-25. Bookings canberratheatrecentre.com.au