Canberran author Tabitha Carvan's debut book This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch looks at fandoms and the women who love them

As you may have guessed, the special guest for that week was the man himself, which - on this set made to look like a classic quiz show - made for the perfect punchline.

It saw game show host Beck Bennett try to get to the heart of why women across the world found Cumberbatch so good looking. While the two female contestants answered the questions like two love-drunk, horny teenagers, the host and Cumberbatch were left perplexed.

"Are we looking at the same dude?" Bennett asks.

Six years later, Canberra's Tabitha Carvan has concluded that no, they are not looking at the same person. Not literally. Physically they are looking at the same person. But while some people see Cumberbatch as if he was any other person, Carvan says she sees him through heart-shaped binoculars.

And it's through this lens that Carvan has decorated the walls of her office with magazine photos of the actor, much like a teenager decorates their walls with band posters and celebrity images.

It has also seen her consume everything Cumberbatch has done, every interview, every TV appearance. It's seen her take part in fan forums, and consume as much of the never-ending amount of fanfiction that exists on the internet as she can. And it's seen her sit in her Benedict Cumberbatch hoodie and write her debut book, This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch.

And she's right. It's not a book about Cumberbatch. But it's also a book that wouldn't have come about without him.

In case you hadn't guessed, Carvan is a big fan of Cumberbatch - also known as a Cumberbitch. Some would say obsessively so. In fact, there was a time when the Canberran went to a psychologist to make sure her love of the actor was healthy. (Luckily, for her sake, the psychologist ruled that Carvan was simply passionate about a hobby.)

"I wish I could paint a picture of what this hobby looked like but it's just a woman and a laptop. I was on a quest to consume every piece of content that he had ever had any association with," Carvan says.

"The dopamine hit of simply seeing images felt extremely addictive, and beyond my control, in a weird way. It's actually totally within my control, but because I experienced that sense of wanting something which seemed like I shouldn't want, that's how we frame the idea of addictions, right? So it felt like it was this compulsion."

It's sad that Carvan - and other women like her - feel like there is something wrong or shameful about having a strong interest in something or someone, outside of their day-to-day lives. That somehow they should have grown out of their fandoms, that there should be an age limit.

But not just any fandom. We're only talking about things that women may be interested in - celebrities, certain musicians, and the like. It is perfectly normal - at least by society's standards - to be a mad sports fan or to spend your weekends racing model cars.

These are things that give someone a sense of self in a "acceptable" way. So why is a love of Benedict Cumberbatch any different?

"The trap is that we get caught up in the idea that it feels weird to feel good," Carvan says.

"What so many of the women I spoke to were describing was the sensation of needing an explanation or a diagnosis for why this made them so happy, and really resisting giving into it. And myself, too - I found it deeply weird and embarrassing and strange. But I also think it is a gender thing because I think we're taught generally to denigrate the things that women are into and to deprioritise things that are just pure fun, in favour of things purposive [or] productive."

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Carvan remembers exactly when this love of Cumberbatch began. It wasn't in the peak of the Cumbermanina, the 2012 to 2014 period in which it seemed the actor was everywhere - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, 12 Years a Slave, The Imitation Game, The Fifth Estate, and of course, the series that saw the whole world sit up and take notice, Sherlock. That is, the whole world except Carvan.

The Canberran came to the Cumber-party a little late. 2016 to be exact. A time which saw two things happen. The first was the Sherlock special that saw the - normally, modern-day version of the detective tale - go back to the Victorian era.

The second thing was the day Carvan - then a woman free of breastfeeding and pregnancy for the first time in (what felt like) a thousand years - saw a full-page advertisement for the Sherlock special.

"I saw that ad and I was like, I want to watch that thing, which is not a feeling that I had had in a long time. A feeling of just wanting to do something," Carvan says.

"I had seen every other episode of Sherlock when I sat down to watch that one, and had thought nothing of him. I keep saying it was the right place, right time. There was something about the presentation of his character in that [special], and I was mesmerised. And I think the reason it seemed so striking was that with everything else in my life at the time being so mundane, and just being so preoccupied with kids, anything else felt monumental."

It wasn't the first time that Carvan was struck by such an admiration of someone. Her teenage years saw a love of Irish band U2. As most teenage obsessions go, the love faded as the years went by and Carvan can't even remember the last time she listened to the band. But at the time, U2 was her everything.

But is there any difference between loving something with your whole heart at 15 and loving something as an adult?

"I don't think there's any difference. I think my means are different - I didn't have the internet, back in the day. But I think it's functionally the same," Carvan says.

"My obsession with U2 ... had me reading Charles Bukowski because they quoted him in something and I was learning Irish. It really funnels you and it gives you the energy to go explore all these related parts. That's exactly the same thing as what happened with Benedict.

"It doesn't look productive from the outside, but talking to these fans, just the energy that they have and are bringing to it is extraordinary. They describe feeling limited by their personal circumstances, and the explosion of energy that this offers is a way to get through to the next stage."

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