The day his first wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, was the day James Gutteridge's life shattered.
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"I think about my life as two distinct halves, the life I had before cancer, and the life I have now after cancer," he said.
Mr Gutteridge met his first wife Natasha in Melbourne, but they soon decided to move back home after their study to live and work in Launceston in northern Tasmania.
The pair had grown up in Tasmania and day-dreamed about the future, finding a house, a good job and eventually having children. However that dream was dashed after Natasha was diagnosed with terminal colo-rectal cancer - a day that's etched into James' memory.
"I wasn't even with her, she was in the Phillippines and she'd gone over for her grandmother's funeral, but she went to the doctor because she'd been experiencing symptoms. She had some tests and it came back cancer."
Mr Gutteridge, reeling from his wife's diagnosis and grieving the loss of the life he had planned, was thrown into the role of carer - a role he was completely unprepared for.
"So here I was, I was alone and I got that phone call and all of a sudden my whole world was wiped out," he said.
"I've gone from being a husband, a potential father, to being a carer. And that was first and foremost the primary role I had....I was completely unprepared."
Mr Gutteridge describes his transformation from husband to carer as one where he made "thousands of mistakes" but he also said he didn't feel there was enough support from medical and social services.
"The medical system is changing, but they are, rightly concerned about the patient, and there's a stigma in society that the carer, they just need to handle it, to deal with it, I mean, they are not the one with cancer."
His experiences, which led him down a dark path, prompted Mr Gutteridge to write a book - a handbook called So, Your Wife Has Cancer.
The book was self published last year, and Mr Gutteridge said it was a project he had in the back of his mind after Natasha died in 2017.
He said it was deliberately targeted at men, because of the stigma they face to "man up" and to not show their emotions.
For Natasha and Mr Gutteridge, the news of her metastatic cancer blew their feet out from under them, but the struggle he faced he hid even from her.
"It took us all by surprise. You know, you never expect cancer to happen to you and all of a sudden we were dealing with it. Unfortunately we found out quite late and it had already started to spread through her body.
"I was struggling mentally [with his new role] but I didn't ever really identify as being a carer. I never talked about it, not even with Natasha."
However, they did have to have difficult conversations, Mr Gutteridge recalls navigating new and emotionally damaging territory, with Natasha facing her terminal diagnosis with true courage.
"We had to have those tough conversations, you know, like how I was going to go on without her. They were tough conversations to have because in a way she had accepted her death a lot sooner than I did."
Spiralling into depression, Mr Gutteridge struggled with his new role, and feelings of hopelessness, as his wife became sicker and sicker.
And all those feelings came to a head one day, which he describes in simple terms, but it really isn't: "I lost control of my mind".
Dealing with symptoms of depression, Mr Gutteridge recalls one day in stark detail, and it was this instance that led him to finally seek professional help.
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He said he "lost control" and at some point sought to end his life, but entertaining that thought was enough to push him to get help instead.
That brush with depression was the kick he needed to seek professional help, and soon after seeking treatment for mental health he got back on his feet, not long after that Natasha succumbed to her illness.
"And it's not until you are in that situation that you understand why suicide happens and how a mental illness can take over, like a parasite," he said.
"I felt that I was useless in this situation, there was nothing I could do to stop the cancer. I'm a man, I want to fix things, but I can't."
Mr Gutteridge said the book was "what I wished was available" during his own journey and he was working to get it into the hands of as many patients, doctors and carers as possible.
"The book is very specific to men, the language I use and the struggles men face in identifying their emotions, identifying as a carer and reaching out for help to a support group, they were all things I needed to do," he said.
"A big part of the last part of the book is how people will change after you go through this [a cancer journey]. The way I see it as a whole, I have accepted that it's part of my life. I can't wish that it didn't happen or that it was different. And so having that acceptance is how I see it as a whole."
Mr Gutteridge said he was in talks with hospitals on the mainland to get copies of his book into oncology departments. He has not spoken to any hospitals in Tasmania but he was hoping to talk to state health leaders.
So Your Wife Has Cancer is available through Amazon in physical and digital copies.