I drink too much. There's no polite way to say it. No way to make it sound like I don't have something of a small problem, maybe it's a big problem, maybe that's the thing that's the hardest to admit. I drink too much, maybe way too much.
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I admitted that to my GP a while back. Just stop buying it then she said. Too easy. Not. I have no resolve, no will power, no control, over anything in my life sometimes.
I know I do. What kind of excuse is that. But sometimes I like a drink. Sometimes I like myself better when I drink. Sometimes I think other people like me better when I drink. Sometimes the world just seems a little less rubbish after the third drink. And yes, sometimes I can be a sad, morose drunk. But most times I'm a happy drunk. Sometimes I am just drunk. And I know I really don't like it when I am just that.
Sometimes I need a drink, and that's the scariest thing. That sometimes I find solace in it.
So in the spirit of Febfast, I'm making some changes. (The first one is I'm not asking anyone to sponsor me. I am way over people asking people to sponsor them. Great, you're walking for cancer. Actually you're just walking.)
I'm giving up drinking alone. There is nothing sadder than having no company other than a bottle of wine. It looks like a good night with a couple of bottles rattling around in the garbage. Not so much when you've only pulled one glass out of the cupboard. One glass, there's something I'd like to be able to do. Just have one glass. Not one bottle. It's open, so you may as well drink it.
One mistake I made was buying these beautiful tumblers from IKEA. I love them, they feel beautiful in my hand. So for that reason alone, it wasn't a mistake. But it's a mistake when three glasses equals a bottle. I'll still drink out of these glasses but maybe not alcohol.
I admire Peter FitzSimons for being able to just give it up. I've read all about how he's lost a quarter of his body weight and become a better husband. (Ha, maybe that was my problem.) I just don't know if I could do it.
A woman I know personally did. And she looks great too. A dozen or so kilos down and many dollars saved.
Dollars. You know you have a problem when you're searching for the cheapest bottle of wine that doesn't taste like vinegar. Yes I have bought a $6.99 wine in the hope that it would cut down on expenses. I ended up pouring it down the sink. Perhaps that's a way to solve the problem. Continue to buy rubbish wine and pour it down the sink.
But at $15-20 a pop, four or five times a week, that's a nice holiday come next summer.
I know I'm not the only one with a problem. I know many middle aged women who, as we all put it, like a drink. Drop in after school on a Tuesday with a bottle, stay for two. A couple of cans of Canadian Club and dry after hockey. Hangovers at school drop off. We've replaced would you like a cuppa, with would you like a drink.
Recent research has shown that middle-aged women have emerged as the new wave of problem drinkers.
Women aged 45 to 54 appear to have changed their drinking behaviour and more are drinking at "risky" levels, with the age group now ranked as a concern when it comes to alcohol consumption.
It is estimated more than one in three (36 per cent) drank alcohol that risked lifetime harm, according to the ACT Chief Health Officer's report released last year.
Count me in.
But in February, count me out. Twenty-eight days to build a habit. No more drinking alone, no more benders, find a substitute, find support.
Find myself again. And know that I won't find me at the bottom of a wine glass.
