I don't know why, but flick me on my back in the water and my legs start to drag to the bottom of the pool and the rest of me follows like a loyal puppy dog. Until I'm drowning. Or I flip over underwater in an attempt to look like the baby from Nirvana's Nevermind cover.

So could a floatation tank the size of a bath but filled with 350kg of dissolved epsom salts make the difference?

Astral floatation tanks exist in Canberra and they promise so much more than "not drowning". So why not give it a crack? Potential benefits are listed like the medical equivalent of a tinder profile: reduces swelling, detoxifies, increases endorphins, reduces muscle tension, speeds up healing and recovery, eases inflammation and joint pressure, manages back pain, helps with insomnia, speeds up recover from jetlag, improves focus and creativity. And there's more. Wow.

The whole experience actually begins days before you attend. The education of what to expect before, during and after begins in detailed emails soon after I've booked, followed by float-day confirmations and an after-appointment receipt and feedback request. If feeling pampered and valued matters to me I've come to the right place.

I arrive at the Phillip float centre and after copious instructions and assurances I strip off my layers, shower and dive in, so to speak.

The relaxing hippie-trance-whale-song type music plays gently, signalling it's time to pop my ear plugs in and slide the tank lid shut. Let the sensory deprivation begin.

What do you know? I can float. Let me qualify that: physical me has no problem floating. Actually I play with the feeling of trying to push my body parts through the viscous liquid. The 34-degree water hugs my body while holding it aloft and my over-active imagination sees me gently gliding in a giant jug of gooey gum. And aside from reaching for a foam halo neck support, I do experience zero gravity weightlessness.

But mental me has a real problem floating. I'm a creative, I'm a worrier and I'm basically an overactive child (who didn't get in her morning run around the lake today), so I had some serious energy to burn and mental tension zipping through my synapses.

At one point I actually got all astral and oh-so-briefly felt the slide into the transcendental. I felt like I was drifting and spinning in a slow full circle but knew I wasn't - there's no room for that in my tank. The nanosecond in which I congratulated myself for truly reaching a state of meditation, I snapped out of my reverie and ruined the magic. Forever.

My stupid brain was so active I actually devised an astral float tank ab-workout, complete with pull-ups and shoulder drills. I was wriggling like some manic Esther Williams movie choreographer. I spoke to myself sternly - if I didn't make it to la-la-land I was going to miss out on that catalogue of benefits.

And then I realised that not reaching a comatose state wasn't the only metric for success.This was my float and I would take from it whatever it offered me personally. Apparently during the process the brain pumps out endorphins and dopamine, its transmitters of happiness, so I was looking forward to the after-effects as much as the actual hour in the tank.

Without imagining it, I did actually feel happy and light directly after. I also felt relaxed, mild-tempered and serene. I slept well. Mission accomplished floatation tank.

Special advice: Do not lick your lips while in the float tank. Just don't. I didn't puke but it is seriously the worst taste I've ever experienced.

Even more special advice: Don't touch your eyes. I told you I was fidgety, but this is the most idiotic mistake of the evening. Control your fingers or suffer the weepy-eyed consequences.The supplied towels, soaps and shampoos were perfect for rinsing off the slimey salts and I left the delicious Sukin conditioner in my hair for a bonus special treatment that evening.

The verdict: I probably haven't failed this dismally at an activity since I took up golf, but at least I didn't throw anything or swear at anyone. I reckon I could get good at this - and it would be good for me. I probably need it more than most.

Details: I was a guest of the Astral floatation studio in Phillip, but they are also in Bruce. Cost per 60-minute float is $75. Head to astralfloatstudio.com.au