You are a world champion at car Tetris
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You know that if you pack minimal luggage, completely flatten down your back seats and passenger seat and carry no other people in the car, you can fit a Benno bookcase box with only the slight chance that it will go through your front windscreen should you brake quickly.
Everytime you put your hand into the pocket of your clothes you find a broken, half-sized pencil
They’re in jacket pockets, trousers, the bottom of your handbag. You don’t have anything else to write with. Some of them even still have lead in them.
You pack a tape measure in your suitcase before heading down to Sydney for a fun weekend with friends
You also pretend you have something happening in Canberra on Sunday afternoon so you can depart Sydney early for a secret assignation in Homebush.
Billy is not a person’s name to you
In fact, you don’t even know anyone called Billy.
You burn tealights during the day because they’re so damn cheap
Earth Hour is really easy for you every year.
The first thing you do when you enter the store is pick up half a dozen catalogues from the bin at the front of the store to take home to Canberra friends
Your friends place orders for the catalogues with you. There’s a list. They have to be on it.
You’re seriously devastated when you run out of lingonberry jam and don’t have a trip to Sydney planned
Maybe you can go visit that annoying uni friend who’s having a birthday party next weekend. And pretend you’ve got to leave early on Sunday because you’ve got a commitment in Canberra in the afternoon.
When the new grad at your department doesn't know what an Ektorp is, you judge him
You judge all the grads who can't understand why Canberra is obsessed with IKEA.
Tempe is not a Japanese food item and Homebush isn't the place where the Olympics were held
Bring It Home’s number is stored in your iPhone
And they recognise your number when you call. This may lead to awkwardness now that Ikea is actually coming to Canberra and you don't need someone with a truck to pick up your Hedblomster.
You got a Costco membership just to get your fix of pushing huge trolleys around in a giant warehouse
Plus when you drive past the DFO you idly imagine what it would look like decked out in blue and yellow.
You toilet train your kids early so they can go to Smaland
What? It's nappy free. They need to grow up sometime.
You no longer get lost