Please read my spirited defence of the tiger mother, from the tiger mother's point of view. It should be your view too because this insane concentration on "happiness", whatever that means, is draining away your child's ability to work in teams, to develop arguments and to know stuff. We still have to know stuff. We have to learn to engage with the difficult and demanding, otherwise any agency we have will be stolen.

There are tiger parents in Australia, forced to practise in secret because of a national desire to pretend achievement doesn't matter. We are the land of laidback, of stress less, of no worries. (I always worried and still do.) It's much more acceptable to hold your children to account anywhere but in this country.

How embarrassing is it to have the federal Education Minister Simon Birmingham reprimand parents insisting we must do more to stem the declining performance of our 15-year-olds in maths, reading and science. Yes, education is a three way partnership between the school, the children and the parents and every partner has to play their role. The role of the parent at home is just as important as the role of the teacher at school.

Some of this-anti-tiger parent ideology is driven by my darling friend and colleague, University of Technology Sydney researcher Christina Ho who claims tiger parents are the devil's work. She's opposed to what she calls instrumental approaches, that is, the close monitoring of the way children spend their time, coaching and choosing an area with good schools. She says that the hyper-racialisation of selective schools has led to anxiety among white families.

I care not for the race-related anxieties of white families. I care about ensuring children have enough cultural and social capital to be prepared for a life of serious engagement. And if that means they have to complete their schoolwork before they go out to party, big deal. And if they don't complete their schoolwork to the best of their ability, they don't go out to party. That's the big deal.

If you read Richard Jinman's excellent interview with Ai Weiwei, about to arrive in Australia for his Sydney Biennale keynote next week, the artist reveals his mum told him off. Ai's mum said: "You're almost 40 years old and you've done nothing. Your life is wasted. You went to the United States for 12 years and you don't have an American passport. You never graduated."

He took notice. Pulled himself together, got to work. Twenty years later, he is one of the most successful contemporary artists of our time. Critical success. Commercial success. His mum did that – or at least sowed the (sunflower) seeds to make that happen.

We must have expectations of our children and hold them to account. That shouldn't just be reserved for the sporting field, as former NSW minister for education Adrian Piccoli made clear last week. Sport is important but it's not the most important thing in a child's life. Learning matters. School work matters. Times tables. Spelling. Grammar. Major dates in history. Learning to put in your fair share of effort when you do group work. The need to think out difficult concepts and be able to argue for your position. And you can't do any of that without reading, reading, reading. Preparing for exams and completing them to the best of your ability. Making a real effort. No poor excuses.

I was shocked at the level of animosity directed at Yale professor Amy Chua when she published her book in 2011, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Shocked because the racism was unrelenting but also shocked because much of the response was endorsing laissez-faire parenting.

We can't do that. Parenting must be active, engaged, informed. We can't allow ourselves to bring up a nation of boofheads because boofheads can't build our future.

Michael Carr-Gregg, psychologist and author most recently of The Prince Boofhead Syndrome, a companion volume to The Princess Bitchface Syndrome, says the phrase tiger mother is an unscientific term for parents who practise negative parenting: cold and controlling. But the Australian response has been to parent without boundaries and limits, which leads to obnoxious children.

Carr-Gregg says there are a number of young people who treat their parents like psychological doormats and that's not in their best interests long term.

"If you put up with disrespectful behaviour, if you allow the kids to do what they want, when they want, that's laissez-faire parenting.

"I want parents who are in the business of preparing their children for the world."

And how important is happiness?

"Sometimes you do things which aren't much fun. Happiness is massively overrated."

Love's not overrated. Love them up to the sky and back. Let them know you love them and part of that love is making sure they are prepared for a life.

Jenna Price is an academic at the University of Technology Sydney and a Fairfax columnist.