It was only a little rant. One I wasn't going to turn into a column as it was perhaps a little close to home. Sometimes columns are just too public (ha, there's something that might surprise you), so I posted it on the very private medium of Facebook (ha, again) thinking that only my ''friends'' would see it and not be too bothered by my blabbering.
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I wrote a quick couple of hundred words about a parents workshop I had attended at my daughter's school concerning her move to high school next year. It was an excellent idea, well done by the school, and I actually learnt a few things. There was also a very yummy caramel slice and above-standard tea.
The purpose of the workshop was to talk about our hopes and concerns for our daughters as they ''transitioned'' into high school. Parents were worried about bullying, time management, study skills, social media, friendship groups ... all valid concerns. I am concerned, but not overly, if I'm honest, about these things, too.
But then there were parents, and there's always a few, who brought up things such as pregnancy, drugs, boys; there was even one woman concerned about what was being done to ensure her daughter would get into university. (I'm worried about how I'll get to next Tuesday.)
It was an enlightening workshop, I wrote on Facebook. Smiley face (and why is there no sarcasm emoticon?). And it was in many ways. Particularly when the staff actually shared our daughters' hopes and concerns and they weren't near as serious as those of the parents. Are we so caught up in our own concerns that we're blind to what it actually is that our children are worried about?
But the main thing that came out of it for me was that it's not the school's job, indeed no school's job, to raise our children. That's our job as parents, sorry.
If you're worried about your daughter being bullied on Facebook don't let her have an account. Take away her smartphone or whatever device she might access it from. Or maybe talk to her about appropriate behaviours for social media use. You can be sure schools are doing that these days. Do it at home first. Invite her friends, those real-life, in-the-flesh ones, into your home, so you know them personally and not just as some avatar.
If you're worried about her time-management skills, do what you can to help her stay on track. Like say no when she wants to take up that third instrument or try another sport or commit to the school play. These things are important but so is time. She might want to with all her heart but you can say no. She might even thank you for it.
If you're worried the school doesn't encourage your daughter to be active, that there's not much sport beyond the First VII of the netball team, that there's too much sitting around in the playground, then be a role model yourself (especially if you're her mother). Stay active, even if it's only regular walks with the dog, or five days a week at CrossFit. Whatever rocks your boat. But be an example. These things are not a school's job, or the school's alone at least. A large part of it is with you. The largest.
Two posts to the Facebook rant were from friends who are teachers. One wrote: ''A few more parents should think about how they can parent these skills rather than expecting schools to teach their kids these life skills. High school is scary for parents and kids, it is the time of greatest growth and change since your child was two! Love them, support them, and help them make decisions you will be proud of. You can't hold their hand 24/7, just give them the skills to make the 'right' decisions.''
''So speak the word!!'' she wrote, and hear, hear. My other teacher friend, who was visiting Canberra for the weekend, told me about her experiences in her Sydney school. From what I can make out, and I could be wrong, the kids there have a few troubles (and what school doesn't have a few kids who don't?).
She told me she was sick of being blamed for issues that arise at home. If a child is out at 2am it's her fault, if a child skips school it's her fault. That parents have an expectation she is actually responsible for their child 24/7.
At the workshop I overheard one wise mum whisper to the woman beside her ''parenting is mostly commonsense''. They shared a little eye roll and look of disdain and I wished I was sitting at their table.
How true her words were. Why do we over-complicate things so much?
High school will be fun, hard, complicated, stressful, friends will come and go, it will suck, it will be the best time of your life, shit will happen ... but that's life. All we can do is love our kids and be there for them when they need us, whether that's to help with algebra or to help them deal with their first heartbreak.
At the end of the session my daughter and her classmates entered the room and she saw me. A smile lit up her face. ''Mummy!'' she said, and rushed over to give me a big hug. I was most surprised because every now and again – to her credit, not all the time – she wants nothing to do with me. Talk about transitions.
But her actions and words, and mainly her big smile and her cuddle, made me realise that the most important thing I can do at the moment is be ''mummy''. That's how we'll best get through this transition into high school. And probably the rest of her life, too.
