Make the time to do homework with your children

And just the thing last Sunday night on 60 Minutes, well-timed as ACT parents (those in other states had already survived a week back) desperately tried to remember where they had tucked away the lunchboxes, or scraped that long-forgotten banana off the bottom of the sports bag. Was there enough ham for sandwiches tomorrow, let alone bread? And where were those damn shoes and why weren't they polished?

Not that there was anything new to say. The TV show rolled out a family who had banned homework; found a teacher with a no homework policy and a school that backs him; and then an academic who has written a book about whether or not homework has any impact at all. (It also rolled out a homework-loving singing and dancing actor, who is also a mother of twins – how does she manage all that and still get their homework done! She made for good television, but I'll be buggered if I could see what her worth was.)

OK, the research says, for kids in primary school at least, homework has little benefit. But really, we've all known that for years. And we've all known, too, that if you really want to go against your school, if it's a homework-setting school, then you probably can get away with it if you start spouting about civil liberties or something. And while you're at it, don't send the kids in school uniform, and drop them off at 10am, and leave them there until you're ready to get them. Rules? Who needs rules? Or discipline, for that matter, or the lesson in learning that sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to do, whether they are good for you or not.

And if you really don't like it, find another school. Or better yet, home-school. Do you get homework if you're being home-schooled? There's a question.

I just love this debate. To do homework or not to do homework. I loved the 60 Minutes story, too, because wasn't the non-homework-doing family just adorable? Little blonde-headed angels frolicking with chickens, making a mess at the kitchen table ... hang on, they weren't just making a mess, they were "learning through play". I might be wrong – I sometimes am – but I can pretty much guarantee it is not like that every afternoon in the Crew household. I'd love it if Charles Wooley and his camera crew turned up at my place at 4pm on a school day. I'd whip up my favourite playdough recipe, I'd have cookies in the oven, the kids would be learning through play with books under their arms, ready to read in any spare moment they had.

But it's rarely like that, is it? Here's a typical afternoon for most of us. School finishes, you're racing off to some co-curricular activity or another, there's dentist appointments and some groceries to pick up on the way home; or parents are at work, kids are in after-school care until 6pm, dinner is a takeaway after a late meeting went even later, mum's away on a business trip and the uniforms for tomorrow's soccer match need to be washed.

Here's my thinking as to why today's parents hate homework so much. Because they're a self-centred generation of parents who have much better things to do with their time than sit with their kids for half an hour or so and help them with some spelling. It's more important that their kids be doing three instruments, a bit of private tutoring, volunteering at the dog shelter, learning Mandarin, swimming at a national level, doing ballet, playing volleyball just to be with friends, and learning robotics. Because then you can tell your friends what your kid does. Which will be more than what their kid does. And that makes you the winner.

And perhaps it has something to do with the fact that parenting is easier if you're happy to outsource most of it. How much parenting do we load on to schools these days? It's your job to teach your child discipline and manners and good grace; not a school's job. I hear you: it's not my job to teach my child to read or spell or apply mathematical skills in life situations. Oh yes it is.

And where's the fun i n having to sit still at the kitchen bench for 20 minutes and read out a list of spelling words? (Actually, it can be lots of fun if you pour yourself a wine and have a drink every time you spot a grammatical error in the homework sheet. But that's another story.)

Do you really think schools set homework for the academic benefit of the children? Has anyone asked schools why they are still setting homework when the research says what it says? Teachers aren't stupid people. They're doing it for a reason.

And perhaps it's this. Perhaps it's so hard these days to engage busy parents in what their child is doing at school that homework is the only bridge schools can extend into the home to make sure it happens.

Did you notice your child is learning to spell the days of the week? Yes, you did, because we told you on that sheet we sent home for you to complete. Perhaps you could talk to your child about that now. And it's Wednesday with a d.

So, in that sense, is homework such a bad thing? Kids only get stressed about things because their parents get stressed. And don't get me started on Naplan. Yes, we'd all love to be baking and frolicking in the fields all afternoon, but we can't, because life's not like that.

Sit down, let's do your homework, because that's what you have to do, and when it's done, those chickens need to frolic, so off you go and be home by dark.

There's plenty of time in the day to be a kid, and plenty of time to be a parent, too.

And part of that time includes homework.