Today's news is brought to you by my childhood hero, who is coming to Australia.
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Elmo, the monster of Sesame Street and tickle-me fame, will shortly board a plane with a hit squad of his finest fuzzy friends to sing and dance on stages in Canberra, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, and Perth.
For many of us, the prospect of remaining forever 8½ years old is an attractive proposition in a complicated world of responsibilities, payments and to-do lists.
But as I sat at my desk to speak with the world's most famous monster, I quickly realised he had sass beyond his years and was capable of taking this unsuspecting admirer for a ride.
It all started with a critical error. I asked him how to get to Sesame Street.
"Well, here's what you do," he said, as if it was self-evident.
"You book a flight to La Guardia Airport in New York, follow the yellow line to the subway, then you take the subway to Queens, then got off at Queens and turn left until you're standing on the street."
I began to suspect this monster, so loved and cherished worldwide, was leading me astray to my own episode of a gangland television show in Queens. But he was reassuring and charming.
"Elmo will send someone to find you - you can't just stand there and yell 'Elmo' because New York is a big city and no one will be able to hear you!"
Apparently it's that simple.
What's not so simple is flying to Australia with an entourage of internationally acclaimed monsters of varying shapes, attitudes and sizes.
"Elmo is unfortunately sitting next to Big Bird on the flight to Australia," he quipped.
"Elmo loves Big Bird, but he really does take up a lot of room. You know those people who take up two seats on a plane? Well Big Bird is one of them."
Of course it's not as easy as just waking up and strapping yourself in for a 20-hour flight, and the furry star has quite the to-do list before he leaves.
"Elmo has to pack his pyjamas, his favourite dolls, some books and of course his toothbrush with his toothpaste in a little zip-lock bag," he said.
"I'm trying to get a seat for my little doll that I've had since birth but so far that doesn't seem likely."
After being caught off guard, I couldn't help notice that this monster was better travelled and more seasoned than many people my own age, let alone a regular eight-year old.
"Elmo has been to Australia a couple of times," he said. "Everybody is just so friendly and Elmo really loves the beach and swimming. The only thing Elmo doesn't like about visiting Australia is the jet lag."
"Elmo loves kangaroos and koalas and platypus and platypi - we never see them on Sesame Street. We'd love to have Australian animals like them on Sesame Street!"
Though Australian marsupials remain mystical to Sesame Street monsters, a lot has changed since the Elmo first appeared on our screen decades ago.
The brains behind Sesame Street now use the show to stress the importance of having a healthy lifestyle and a balanced diet - Cookie Monster now treats cookies as a "sometimes food".
"It's very challenging for him but he's trying his best," said Elmo. "It's very important for us to teach him the difference between what he wants and what he needs - that's an important lesson."
The baton of responsibility has also been passed to Elmo, who has taught children the importance of remaining active, positive and healthy.
"Elmo does a lot of running and dancing and swimming, and we've just got a new gym here on Sesame Street that Elmo has to get a membership to," he said.
"It's run by a bunch of monsters so it's not the most well-run gym going around."
Just don't expect to see the little monster bulking for his world tour, as some things never change.
"Elmo will have to build up his strength before he can do anything like that," he said. "Elmo sometimes gets sick, but Elmo has a lot of energy and tries to keep healthy by dancing and swimming as often as he can."
But swimming, especially on Australian beaches, can be a tricky affair when you are covered from head to toe in red fur.
"Elmo's mummy and daddy invested in a very nice blow-drier, although before they use it I have to shake off, kinda like a puppy when it gets wet," said Elmo.
Concertgoers will be able to see familiar faces such as Big Bird, Grover, Zoe, Cookie Monster, the Count, Bert and Ernie, as well as a new monster Lady Baa Baa, described as a "gorgeous, gregarious, globe-trotter from the Gold Coast".
The monsters will be singing and dancing at the Canberra Theatre, but please, just don't ask them how to get to Sesame Street.
Sesame Street Elmo's World Tour, Canberra Theatre, October 9, 12.30pm. Tickets from $24.90, canberratheatrecentre.com.au.