MasterChef All Stars recap

It wasn't Dani's day in the <i>MasterChef</i> kitchen.

It wasn't Dani's day in the MasterChef kitchen.

  • 2010 MasterChef winner Adam Liaw recaps All Stars tomorrow

Did you wag the majority of your high school home economics classes? Don't worry, all you need is a signature spag bog – here's something Channel Ten prepared earlier.

Justine and Poh get a yellow card from George for cheating and will undergo a full drug test and urine and blood analysis after they plate up. 

Tonight 12 of "Australia's best up-and-coming chefs" demonstrate how to fix a bowl of bland bolognese and prep for a Saturday sausage sizzle for their local Bunnings store.

Julie adds sugar to the blue team's bolognese.

Julie adds sugar to the blue team's bolognese.

While Hayden, Kumar and Justine rejoice to be back in the company of real, serious foodies, Maid Marion is coating her lashes with mascara and explaining how her time on All Stars will benefit her charity of choice – Save The Children.

"They do really great things like saving the children," she clarifies before jumping in the back of a black coupe bound for 'Apprentices Arena', aka the MasterChef kitchen.

The doors swing open to reveal a long silver bench and three smug judges all standing in a row.

As they debate amongst themselves whether they'll face a taste test or skills test – Matt approaches the bench and reads aloud chapters two, three and fourteen of his (yet to be published) memoir Cravats, coloured jeans and cholesterol.

From what we can gather he only has three regrets in life – not forking out $1000 for a Ford convertible back in the day, not asking out a girl called Sarah and missing the first ever MasterChef challenge.

While the teams from seasons two and three suggest his only regret should be his Harry Styles-inspired shaggy 'do from back in season one, Julie, Chris, Poh and Justine from the blue team shudder at the thought of hacking up onions and their phalanges.

Round one for tonight's challenge is "The Onion Chop" – the first person to finely dice one kilo of onions wins an advantage for their team in the second round.

Chris reminisces about the time he once said he would've been "pissed off to be eliminated for not being able to cut an onion", while Gaz shows them how it's done – surprisingly you need a sharp knife he tells them while peeling back the layers.

No sooner has the race to slice and dice started before Dani needs a band aid, as does Julie who requires a full protective glove (and a few stitches).

"Gah it's like watching people juggle with chainsaws," Matt yelps.

As the pressure and egos mount, the bored judges goof around by playing peak-a-boo with the electronic scales to keep themselves and no one else amused.

Marion struggles with failure on her first attempt of hacking up one kilo of the tear-jerking vegetable and rushes back to her bench where she asks Jonno if she can steal one of his onions ... after she's snatched it and already started slicing. It's all in vain though as Poh has come through with the winning weight.

"I've won the advantage for the blue team ... which is a great advantage," she says.

The next lesson plan in "home cooking like you're in high school 101" is Fix That Dish. This time the three teams will compete in relay format with each contestant getting 10 minutes to work on the dish – a dish which is only known by the first person who tackles it.

Callum, Kate, Poh and the other blue team members are introduced to "the world's most boring bolognese" and are instructed to jazz it up and add a pasta.

The blue team discovers the advantage is having all members know they are making spaghetti. They are also given two extra minutes to "strategise, plan and see what's in the pantry".

During the "strategising" Julie notes the mixture requires more sugar, causing Poh and Justine to vomit in their mouths instead of telling her that it needs seasoning not a sweetener.

The other teams are outside also "strategising" before time starts. Poh is a little slow on the uptake and misses the starter's gun by a gruelling 30 seconds.

"It's got no flavour, it's really bland, it has to be reduced and have new flavours added to it," says Callum, whether he is referring the MasterChef model of television or the spag bog I can't be too sure.

The first team members aim to leave clues out for their comrades so they have an idea of what the dish is – Poh, Kate and Callum prepare the dough and fetch pasta makers before time is up and Chris, Kumar and Marion come running in to take over.

Looking at the mince meat and vegetables, Kumar decides that is must be a pie of sorts and sets about chopping up chunks of carrot as Chris and Marion get to work rolling out sheets of pasta.

He blames his "tunnel vision" for not noticing the pasta maker on his bench.

"I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE PASTA!" screams Dani as the next batch of cooks come barrelling through the door.

"I'm the worst Italian cook ever as I can't even make pasta," she continues as Aaron recalls the time Matt called his pasta dish "disgusting ... disgustingly good" – which is apparently something that has haunted him for years.

All Dani manages to do in 10 minutes is push a spoon around a pan, fill a pot of water and repeat to the camera that she's the worst Italian cook in the world.

Justine and Poh get a yellow card from George for cheating and will undergo a full drug test and urine and blood analysis after they plate up.

After the reprimand, Poh confides in Chris that she's worried Julie will add sugar to the meat sauce.

Cut to Julie who is outside the studio engrossed in an intense conversation with herself while Hayden karate kicks the air to psyche himself up for the final round.

Once her time is up, Dani suggests Hayden is in big trouble as he's got cold water to boil before cooking the pasta – something she was supposed to do.

Meanwhile Jonno reflects on the time he was in a similar elimination challenge in series two where he crushed Adele's dream of being "Australia's next MasterChef".

Julie saunters in and suggests that all she needs to do is add some sugar and red wine (throw in a DVD of Sex and The City and that's just a regular Saturday night at my house, Jules).

The rest of the blue team look on with furrowed brows as she pours a packet of "the white devil" into the mixture before Gaz has a taste and develops type two diabetes.

As the final seconds tick away and the final three team members plate up, the judges tell them mums and dads all over Australia have been cooking this dish so they better have nailed it.

Dani protests at her lack of contribution because she thought the dish would have been something "more fancy" as Gaz and George spit out the yellow team's "rustic, undercooked pasta".

Kate is just impressed they figured out the dish was spag bog considering culinary Chinese Whispers are so tricky.

The brown-nosing red team decided to add a dash of cinnamon into their salty dish to appease George. It works so they high five like four geeks in a John Hughes comedy.

Surprise, surprise, the blue team's dish is too sweet – the complete opposite of Poh's icy glare when they taste it.

After much consideration the blue team, which had more advantages than the members have had roast dinners, are declared the winners.

And that my friends, is fine dining at its finest. Bon appetite.