Out, out, out, we count, in, in, out, as the faces pop up. It's like the English batting line up over on Gem. Cook and Root. It's all the same (and so are the answers on Ten's Great Debate between Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd). So we'll give MasterChef our full attention, mainly because Dubai looks pretty cool and we get to see Lynton and Lucy get hot and heavy on a camel.

But first the flight, thanks Qantas. Daniel and Christina are lapping it up in business class being served food that looks better than anything anyone has served up all series. The rest of the gang are in cattle class and we see little of them until they arrive. We wonder who got the seat next to Kelty and if he managed to talk non-stop.

All of a sudden we're on the top of the Burj Al Arab, recently voted the world's most luxurious hotel. It is kind of swish. Indeed it's not hard to be impressed by the Dubai sights and if the food fails us tonight at least we've seen some spectacular architecture.

Only Samira's feeling a little jaded. Dubai is her second home. Relatives, shoes and handbags are her primary reasons for coming. What a bugger she'll actually have to cook this visit.

So the judges outline the challenge (and where was Gary for the most part tonight? Did he sneak off to watch the debate?). They've got to cook for some VIPs, a banquet for 36 Emirati. Each pair contributes something for the banquet, the choice is theirs, and there's a core protein. Emma and Daniel get chicken. Rishi and Christina get fish. Samira and Kelty get lamb. Lynton and Lucy get humped with camel.

Now they've got 30 minutes to get down to a souk. That's a market, Kelty. Not an invitation to come up with a sob story. Then they'll get shipped off to the desert where they'll have two-and-a-half hours to prepare the feast. And meet this guy, Greg Malouf, Australia's leading light when it comes to Middle Eastern cooking – he'll be the mentor tonight. Samira goes a little gaga, but we get this gaga. Malouf cooks food people want to eat, not like that Heston whatshispants with his fancy test tubes and the like. We're back to real food, food shared around the table.

Anyone who's ever shopped in a marketplace in a foreign land knows how much fun it is. Haggling, making sure you don't get dudded, or pick-pocketed, or blown up by a nuclear bomb … oh hang on, that's The Peacemaker on One.

Lynton admits that he and Lucy are like fish out of water, the blue-eyed Aussie and the blonde Brit. Or is that Joe Root and Ryan Harris. MasterChef. Switch back to MasterChef. Someone else is doing the cricket live blog. Rishi's loving the haggling. A skill he's developed working as a public servant in Canberra. How about I install that broadband network for $1 billion if you give me three goats. Or was that the debate? Getting confused.

Meanwhile some gentlemen are trying to convince Samira and Kelty to buy their Australian lamb but Samira's not even sure it's actually lamb, let alone what its country of origin is. Let's not mention live exports.

Supplies on board, the camel train leaves for the desert. We get some lovely shots of Lynton and Lucy on their camel, there's something about the way they move up and down with a wonderful rhythm, but Samira, with Kelty bouncing around behind her, doesn't stop squealing the entire way. It doesn't faze Kelty, he's confident tonight's their night. He's in the desert with Samira, they've got lamb …

But wait … they don't have lamb. Something's happened. How long did the camel ride take because the lamb has turned to mutton. It's mutton dressed as lamb, but Noelene's gone home, so that joke doesn't work any more. And neither will Samira's lamb dish.

Your time in the desert starts now, cries Matt before too long, and the teams get cooking in this rather unique location. It's dark and mysterious, under the Arabian night sky, he says, and it is. Perhaps too dark because a couple of the teams have trouble seeing the dials on the oven. Lynton's misplaced some tomatoes, and Kelty can't find his sense of humour – he's been trying so hard to find it all series.

The cooking is actually quite impressive. There's a great selection of dishes with names I can't understand. A yoghurt soup, slow-baked camel, spicy salads, a couple of pilafs, some flatbreads. It's the first time all series I've wanted to pull up a cushion and join in the meal.

But it wouldn't be MasterChef without the last minute drama. Kelty's made a spicy eggplant dip that is going to make George spontaneously combust. When Samira forces him to taste it, Kelty spontaneously sweats. It's rather icky.

And in a moment many of us have been waiting for all season, Daniel ruins everything by playing with the knobs and Emma bursts into tears. I turned it off, I turned it off, she cries. Just the use of the words Daniel and knobs in the same sentence has had the opposite effect on me. Turned on.

But back to Samira and Kelty. Samira's beginning to crumble, says Kelty. Well only because she's done all the bloody work tonight, you lazy git. And, as she's been wont to do this series, Samira needs to take a little moment, finding some corner in the kitchen to have a sook. The other sook. Will you just give me a moment, she yells at Kelty, as he hassles her to plate up. Fair enough, guests are beginning to arrive, but it's about time he did some work.

Stop cooking. Everyone's done. Smiles and high fives all around. Lucy, let go of Lynton. We didn't stop for a minute, says Samira. Well apart from all that time you spent in the corner.

And then something happens. Perhaps it's the magic of the desert, perhaps George has found a genie in a bottle and been rewarded with a few wishes, but the food tonight is as remarkable as the Dubai skyline. OK, there are a few moments. The camel needs more time in the oven, Kelty's spicy dip has made George's mouth go numb, but overall, the judges agree, the food has been amazing. Even Greg Malouf is delighted by what's gone on the menu tonight. Proud even, he says.

But there's got to be a winner. England or Australia. Rudd or Abbott. And here too. And it's the blue team of Emma and Daniel who've pipped everyone at the post. And they win one of the most impressive rewards ever offered. They don't have to cook in the elimination challenge and they get to go on a culinary tour with Matt – to Paris!! – first class!! – thank you Emirates airline!! Even I get excited!!

Everyone else will head back into town, empty the sand out of their shoes and cook for their lives at Atlantis The Palms hotel.

Who knows what might happen then but Sunday night was a little oasis in the culinary desert that has been this series. We're hopeful.