Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review: Badly baked half-shell heroics

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise celebrates its 30th anniversary this year. There will be comics, TV shows, movies and plenty of merchandise featuring the four pizza-loving reptiles named after Renaissance artists. It has proved remarkably durable. This new movie directed by Jonathan Liebesman (Wrath of the Titans) and co-produced by Michael Bay (Transformers) is nothing special, but might satisfy those who want nothing more than an undemanding couple of hours of action and special effects.

New York City TV reporter April O'Neil (Megan Fox, bland) is stuck doing fluff pieces but wants to prove herself worthy of meatier assignments. While researching the infamous Foot Clan that has been terrorising the city she has tantalising encounters with a mysterious vigilante or vigilantes (guess who?). But she is unable to offer any tangible proof, which annoys her boss (Whoopi Goldberg, wasted) to the point where she is fired.

She continues on her quest, assisted by dubious but lovestruck cameraman Vern Fenwick (Will Arnett). She finds out the identity of the Turtles - Michelangelo (voiced by Noel Fisher), Donatello (Jeremy Howard), Leonardo (Johnny Knoxville) and Raphael (Alan Ritchson) - who live in the sewers with their mentor, the rat Master Splinter (voiced by Tony Shalhoulb). She also discovers a very personal connection to them. Not to mention a threat by the evil Shredder (Tohoru Masamune) that could destroy the city.

TMNT delivers what might be expected: lots of action, copious special effects, and occasionally amusing quips. But the minuses are many: bland human characters - including the obvious-from-the-outset human villain, company boss Eric Sack (William Fichtner); creepy-looking, hard to distinguish CGI turtles who resemble rejected designs for the Hulk; and some egregious product placement (hello, Pizza Hut).

It's far from the worst of its kind and - unlike the Transformers' movies - it doesn't drag on interminably, running well under two hours. And it's not hideously violent or otherwise inappropriate for younger viewers - and there are in-jokes for TMNT fans to spot. But ultimately, it's just one of the many "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" junk-food action movies - ultimately unmemorable - that Hollywood will keep on turning out as they long as they keep making money. And a sequel for this one is already being planned.