Welcome back to South Africa, where the most exciting thing that's happened overnight is that Bachelor couple Tim Robards and Anna Heinrich apparently made tea out of old bits of orange peel. YOLO!

Maureen McCormick and Chrissie Swan decide to learn how to build a fire and force Merv Hughes to show them how. It's so hard to tell if Merv is dirty or just has lots of back hair. Cue a shot of a quizzical praying mantis. I hear you, sister mantis.

Everyone hates Tim and Anna and Maureen, because she's totally ditched all the boring, stinky old camp mates and they're all really jealous. Here are the happy trio washing dishes in a stream. "Eeeee, a new game! Throw the saucer in the pot! Whee!" shrieks Maureen, flinging pots with the gusto of a chimp who's just received several free handfuls of manure.

Feisty bug-eyed pixie Lauren Brant reckons Maureen is obsessed by Timanna. She tells us this while wearing a crown of leaves, which she will not take off for 12 hours. You want obsession? Let's cut to Tim massaging Maureen. "Oh Tim ... Tim ..." she breathes. Anna, rather sportingly, offers to leave so they can get their massage on in peace.

Maureen confides to us that she would like to enjoy some light bondage with Tim. "I just want him to have me on a leash. Everywhere."

Don't tell Chrissie and Joel Creasey this. They're already really upset that Maureen doesn't love them any more and has dumped them to be with Timanna.

"We felt that you had upgraded," Chrissie says. "They have hot bodies and skills." Mad skills!

"We felt dumped," Joel says, pathetically.

"Oh no, I felt that I had been dumped," Maureen says, horrified.

They argue back and forth about who felt more dumped for Bondage Masseur Tim.

Finally, we move on to another topic of conversation. Chrissie tells a rather nice story about her child suffering undiagnosed hearing loss and then discovering sound after surgery. Lauren listens open-mouthed. "I've got goosebumps everywhere it's so good," she says. She gives this story eight out of 10 for goosebumps.

It's been 20 minutes since the last poo joke, so host Julia Morris makes one. This is followed by two minutes of torturing baby albino hedgehogs.

Laura Dundovic is selected for the tucker trial, which, rather boringly, doesn't involve anything dead other than Dr Chris Brown's sense of humour. She must climb a huge cliff face and collect flags with stars on them while Barry Hall and Andrew Daddo stand around shouting out the time. "Nine o'clock! Eleven o'clock! Three o'clock!"

Just go have a drink for this bit - she eventually collects four, or maybe five, or is it six stars? Nobody cares, except for Dr Chris, who can finally trot out the nickname "Dundawoman". Somewhere on the set, a tiny albino baby hedgehog dies.

Now Joel and Tyson Mayr are sent forth to fight a cheetah for two bottles of French champagne and strawberries. Oh no, they just have to follow it around at a safe distance. They collect four novelty-sized keys for the celebrity chest and then must lift a fifth key from a string round the cheetah's neck. "You can just gently caress her," instructs Joel. Tyson looks horrified, but does as he's told. Maureen would be so jealous if she found out.

Back at the camp, we learn the champagne and strawberries are courtesy of Jackie O. "Who's that?" someone asks. It's all moot, because they don't answer the trivia question correctly, thanks to Merv and his dirty hairy back, and Lauren throws a massive strop.

She's so outraged that when the food arrives, she absconds with a springbok shinbone and then spends several minutes waving the piece of meat at the camera and berating Australia for its life choices.

Tyson is chosen for the next challenge, which is termed the Temple of Doom and involves feeling up snakes in a cave.

"You'll have to get a rock off very quickly," someone tells him. It's sage advice - but we'll have to tune in next time to find out if Tyson takes it.