How a Canberra dad learnt to live with the grief of losing his wife

"Is the T-Rex going to get mummy?" he asked his dad, Lachlan Searle.

"He was three-and-a-half years old when he said that, that's how a three-and-a-half year old processes things," Mr Searle explained.

"I said 'no, no it's OK mate, everything that's in heaven is good, they're all happy, they all get along'."

It's moments like this Mr Searle now collects for his children Tom, 4, and Lottie, 3, after the death of their mum Rebecca McGloughlin.

Ms McGloughlin died suddenly due to streptococcus and toxic shock on December 5, 2014.

In the two years since her death, Mr Searle said he has had to "learn how to become a mum at the same time as being a grieving dad".

Mr Searle shared his experience at the Menslink Midweeker on Wednesday during Mental Health Week.

"Grief is time-consuming, it engulfs you, it's very hard to concentrate so raising the kids while trying to deal with my own grief was difficult," Mr Searle said.

He said it was often the most mundane routines of child-rearing that forced him to keep plodding forward, one foot at a time.

"They were so little their needs were practical and it meant there were times where I didn't have too much time on my hands to actually grieve because I had to get dinner, had to get them into the bath. The practical things they required helped me do the practical things I needed as well."

But as well as dealing with his own grief, he had to help his children navigate theirs.

Mr Searle said memories of their mum would bubble up in unpredictable ways, so much so that he began writing them all down.

He now has 10,000 words, uttered by his kids, remembering, asking or talking about their mum.

"I think the reason I did it initially because it helped me, I wanted them to be able to ask me in years to come what I was thinking and what they were thinking at the time and talking about so I wanted to be able to do that for them," Mr Searle said.

"It helped me as well because there were times it was difficult to write some of the stuff that they've said but the fact they were talking about her, most of the time daily, it was very comforting as well."

Grief has taught Mr Searle it's OK to lean on family, friends or even a service like MensLink to help smooth over the rough patches.

He has also learnt how important it is to be present as a parent – and to take lots of selfies too.

"Sometimes in the business of life we forget to be present in a moment. Moments can disappear in a moment," Mr Searle said.

"If I'm driving to school with the kids and I see some ducks crossing the road we stop and get out and spend five minutes taking photos and playing with those ducks, rather than just rushing to school because we're running late."

Lachlan Searle chronicles his life via letters to his children at thedaddyletters.com.

Kids Helpline – kidshelpline.com.au or 1800 55 1800.