"Christmas" and "garden" are two words that should be kept carefully apart. The garden at Christmas time (note the careful separation of the relevant words in that sentence) is just a backdrop to the festivities or general relaxing.
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This is not the time to worry that Uncle Ron will notice the weeds in the petunia patch, or that Cousin Delilah will head out to check whether her pumpkins are bigger than yours.
Nor is this the time to be mulching, planting punnets of expensive (and wilting blooms) to add colour to the courtyard or even for mowing the lawn.
The best gardening advice for this time of year is to put a glass of something cold and good into the hand of anyone who is likely to want to inspect your garden and several more glasses before they actually go and do it, so they see it only through a haze of good cheer.
Actual gardening at this time of year should be reserved for masochists, tidiness fanatics who can't bear to see a tuft of grass rising above the others in the lawn, or those with a subconscious desire to develop melanoma or heat prostration or both, sequentially or simultaneously.
Don't worry if your shrubs wilt (I wilt in summer too). Don't go on a planting binge just because you have time while on holidays. Those newly planted flower, shrubs and veg will need watering long after you're back at work. Don't feed your garden. Not just because you have enough to do with holiday cooking, but because fertiliser can burn plants' roots in hot dry times. Don't panic about parched grass. Grass recovers.
On the other hand, hospitality does require a garden check list:
- The barbecue. Clean it. Now. Or be prepared to give the Fire Brigade a big thank you present come your next barbecue attempt.
- Garden furniture. Use the broom to ensure it is entirely free of red-back spiders or wasp nests. Then plonk into it as heavily as you can to make sure it will bear the weight of Aunt Gladys after her fifth helping of pudding.
- Attractive nuisances for kids. Swimming pools are the obvious one – check all gate latches; but also stone walls they may climb on that may crumble and collapse under their energetic clambering; frog ponds that a toddler could fall into; paving or driveways that are not suitable for the scooter or bike etc that Santa has just delivered. My husband once spent a memorable Christmas Day at Casualty after his daughter put a bead up her nose, so he speaks from experience when he says, "Always expect kids to do what you don't expect. Especially at Christmas."
- Mozzies. Christmas is, well, Christmas, for mozzies. All that exposed flesh outdoors at dusk. Think long sleeves, cover your legs in something loose and cool and pour (or spray or rub) on the repellent. I add a lot to my clothes and particularly my hat – check for staining first – as well as covering all exposed areas of flesh (particularly feet and ankles).
- Hats. The hospitable family has garden hats they can offer to guests who want to sit and smell the roses and drink that something cool I mentioned before, and will include a recipe at the end. Note: most hats are not unisex. Provide some for blokes too, undecorated with filmy scarves and dried flowers – unless of course the blokes would like the chance to wear them.
- Storms. They will happen. Clear leaves out of gutters. Check garden drains to make sure water can flow away. Remember that one litre of water weighs one kilo and prune out any too-heavy growth from trees that may drop on your house or car when very, very wet or weighed down with hail.
- Dogs. It is hot for dogs too. Make sure they have shade, cool water and add an ice-block or two to the water now and then on very hot days. Some dogs I know particularly like their water faintly scented with mint leaves in summer i.e. chill water with mint leaves floating in it in the fridge, then pour into the dog's dish minus the leaves. But do check your dog likes mint first, or they may avoid the water and become dehydrated. Many dogs have also cannily discovered that they love the remnants of beer, wine and other fermented beverages when guests abandon half a glass in the back yard. If your dog is a canny breed, take care to avoid possible canine inebriation.
- The castle of thorns. Otherwise known as our front gate, covered in rambling – and thorny – roses. Both Bryan and I are on the leprechaun side of the height spectrum and so need to remind ourselves that our gateway has to be clear for people who are two metres high.
- Reindeer. Reindeer actually prefer lichen-encrusted rocks to vegemite sandwiches, but this is just one of the reasons it is good to have lichened tree trunks, in case they feel like a nibble. (Lichen also appears to encourage some pest eating predators. Plus, it is beautiful). . NB Do not leave chocolate out for Santa or the reindeer if your dog can reach it. Dogs cannot read 'This is for Santa and the reindeer' and, even if they could, Golden Labradors would ignore it and chocolate can make dogs very unwell.
PS: Keep pine needles out of the vacuum cleaner by putting your Christmas tree in a bucket and topping it up with fresh water every day. Christmas trees need a drink, just like cut flowers. Better still, choose a live potted tree, filled with far better symbolism than a wilting Pinus radiata. Plant it out after Christmas when it is finally to enormous to lug back indoors in a few Christmasses.
PPS: If you have yet to buy someone a Christmas present and your ideas bucket is empty, go for boxes of fruit. Cherries, peaches, apricots, mangoes or make up your own mixed box. Eat lots while packing it. This is the season of glorious fruity abundance. Forget the European obsession with dried fruit at this time of year. Go fresh and fabulous.
PPPS: And may your holidays be relaxing and full of hugs and laughter.
This week I am:
- picking cucumbers, beans, loganberries, cherries, apricots or rather..
- hoping that our young guest will do the picking for me – and collect the eggs;
- watching the pumpkins swell and the melon vines grow (the second lot of melon seed germinated in three days so I may have planted the first lot so early it rotted in cold soil before it could germinate);
- trying to protect the corn seedling from the possum who has decided, after over a decade of ignoring corn seedlings, that he likes them (and, yes, it is a he and he sleeps above our living room and gets up just on dusk and slides his way down next to the front door when he usually then heads for any remnant loquats at this time of year but for some reason this year he has developed a taste for corn) – this means wire netting or, if he pulls that off and he probably will, I must get out the fish sauce or wasabi and make a spray that is definitely not in the true holiday spirit, even for possums;
- picking the almost wild red and yellow gladioli that bloom this time every year, untended and unplanted by me;
- eating the first lettuce of the season, the first beans, apricots, snow peas, possibly the first small ripe tomato, sun-warmed strawberries, peaches that drip juice down my chin, red, white and yellow cherries, cucumbers only as big as my little finger and sweet enough to eat thinly sliced with no dressing, baby carrots that don't even need peeling, just washing under the garden tap, the mulberries that the tree just keeps on producing, stewing the first of the apples for an apple and peach crumble (or pie if I am in a pastry-making mood);
- and smelling the roses, hybrid musk Buff Beauty and hybrid tea Papa Meilland, listening to the cicadas, swimming in the creek, with husband, friends, kids and enormous joy, and gazing at the green and growing world about me, and giving thanks.
Holiday recipes
Our family's fruit punch (non-alcoholic)
I think great-grandma fist made this about the time that pineapple juice came on the market.
Ingredients:
a generous handful of eau-de-cologne mint, chopped or roughly torn (though with this recipe you can also use peppermint or even common mint at a pinch, though it's not as good as eau-de-cologne mint)
2 bottles ginger ale (can be lo-cal)
2 bottles lemonade (ditto)
1 litre pineapple juice (can be unsweetened)
1 orange, very thinly sliced, with peel still on
3 lemons or limes, very thinly sliced, with peel still on
at least 12 cups of ice (or else dilute with chilled soda water to taste)
two passionfruit, still warm from the vine (optional)
Place the fruit and mint in the bottom of a large bowl. Add the pineapple juice, and leave for at least an hour for the flavours to mingle. Just before serving add the ginger ale and ice.
Makes about 15 cups of punch.
Iced tea
Ingredients:
2 teaspoons green tea
1 tsp fresh peppermint, apple mint, lemon mint, or eau-de-cologne mint leaves (not culinary mint)
sugar to taste
lemon slices (optional)
1 litre boiling water
a large jug
Place the tea and the mint in the jug. Pour in the boiling water; leave for three minutes. Strain off liquid and chill. Serve chilled with sugar to taste and slice of lemon.
OR leave tea, lemon slices and mint to brew with cold water on the window-sill or sunny table for a few hours. Strain and chill.
Frozen watermelon daiquiri
This looks stunning, cool, Christmassy and very, very red. The vodka is tasteless, so you can make an alcohol-free version for the kids. Do not mix them up.
Ingredients:
½ cup caster sugar
½ cup water
½ cup lime juice (about 3 limes)
1 medium-sized watermelon (about 5 cups full of red flesh)
Simmer sugar and water for ten minutes. Add the lime juice. Bring to the boil. Take off the heat. Cool. Add the vodka, if you're making the alcoholic version.
Put the watermelon flesh through the blender till it's liquid. Mix with syrup. Pour into a cake tin – it should be fairly shallow; freeze until almost set – about half an hour. Break up the crystals with a fork and beat well. Refreeze for another two hours, whipping well with the fork every half an hour. Serve in chilled glasses at once.
Note: this loses its flavour after a few days. If you want to make it the day before, pour it into an empty plastic container; put the lid on; then an hour before you want to serve it take it out of the freezer and soften for 10-20 minutes, then freeze again.
Excellent chocolate and macadamia or pistachio fudge
This can be a gift for anyone anyone – male, female, teenage or with a walking frame. If they are determined to eat healthily they can always give it to someone else.
125g gms dark cooking chocolate
60g butter
¼ cup evaporated milk
375g icing sugar
150g chopped roasted macadamias or pistachios
Line an average sized cake tin with baking paper; if it's a bit small the fudge will be thicker, so cut it into smaller pieces; if it's large then the fudge will be thinner, so make the chunks generous.
Melt the chocolate and butter in the microwave or in a bowl over boiling water. (Well, okay, I do it in a saucepan but I stir constantly and keep it on as low a heat as I can and I have very good thick-based saucepans.)
Take off the heat, add evaporated milk and mix well. Add icing sugar and, again, beat well. Add nuts, mix well and taste a few times. Pour into the tin, leave till cool and cut into slices.
Christmas relish
A relish is what you add to make boring things taste good i.e. cold spuds, cold meat and most aren't bad on cheese on toast, especially if you liven it up with half-way decent bread and good cheese and call it foccacia instead.
Most relishes will last for months if not years in the back of the cupboard waiting to be hauled out in case a meteor falls and life on earth – or at least the supermarket part of it – is extinguished.
This relish needs to be kept in the fridge and eaten within a few weeks, as it contains less vinegar, less sugar and more fruit than the ordinary variety. This is also means that this one tastes better.
Ingredients:
3 cups fresh mango, paw paw or pineapple, chopped
½ cup raw sugar
½ cup good white wine vinegar
2 large red onions, finely chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tbsps olive oil
1 red chilli, chopped, optional
Saute onion and garlic in the oil till the onion is soft and totally transparent. (If it isn't, the acid in the relish will make it go hard and rubbery.) Add the rest of the ingredients; simmer till thick (about 10 - 15 minutes).
