It's difficult to know what to expect when you knock on a stranger's front door with news their loved one will never come home.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
Senior Canberra traffic police who have faced the grim task more often than they would have liked know they could be met with a gamut of emotions, from grief-stricken silence to an eruption of anger.
Sergeant Dick Dauth has worked as a police officer in the ACT for almost three decades and said there was "an underlying sadness" every time someone had to deliver what he called a death message.
Any time there was a fatal crash in the territory, one of the first priorities for police was to identify the dead. A senior officer, sometimes accompanied by a more junior colleague, would then go to the address on a driver's licence and knock on the door.
Sergeant Dauth always tried to put himself in the shoes of the person who answered, aware that the sight of a uniformed police officer at their home late at night was often enough to make their knees buckle.
"In this instance I believe in being fairly direct, but as compassionate as you can be. They know when you go there at three o'clock in the morning and you introduce yourself from the crash team that you're not there to talk about the weather. It's not a time for small talk."
"You've got to advise them that there has been a serious crash and someone is dead, and we believe that person might be your son, or daughter, or whatever."
There was a sense of duty and professionalism that kicked in, Sergeant Dauth said. While their aim was always to be compassionate, there was a death to investigate and police could not let grief overwhelm them.
A focus on the task at hand was often a welcome distraction from the shock and pain expressed by family members as they grappled with the loss of their loved one early on.
"They're all sad. Some are sadder than others and typically when they involve young children. Even a baby, on one occasion, I can remember being extremely saddened by.
"One of the things about delivering a death message is there's an element of uncertainty about it, because people do react in all sorts of different ways. Some show very little emotion, some are hysterical right from the word go.
"I remember one from years ago, we passed a message to a woman whose 18-year-old son had died in a single vehicle crash and she was quite distraught about it at the time.
"We went back to her house a few days later and spoke to family and it turned out she'd been sleeping in the boy's bed every night since that day."
Officers were sometimes met with anger from people who were "not on side with police", Sergeant Dauth said.
Traffic Operations acting superintendent Rod Anderson said death knocks were one of the hardest aspects of policing.
"In saying that, it's one of those things that has the biggest impact on people and it's got to be done the right way."
"I had a lady whose 21-year-old son died in a motorcycle collision, only child, and she used to continually ring his mobile so she could listen to the message on his mobile.
"Six years later I was in Queanbeyan. She came up and gave me a hug and she was still really emotional but said they were travelling OK."
Police were prepared for such situations through their training and there was help available from welfare officers, chaplains, psychologists and SupportLink agency staff. Often the biggest source of comfort was the camaraderie found among fellow officers.
"There's always members who have been in similar situations and we draw a lot of support from one another," Sergeant Anderson said.
"You never build up a tolerance to it."
There have been nine deaths on ACT roads this year, which is already two more than last year's total road toll.
ACT Policing and the territory government have continued to put pressure on drivers who speed - one of the leading causes of fatal road crashes - as part of targeted road campaigns this year.
Over the Christmas and New Year period they are focusing on drunk and drugged drivers.
Sergeant Anderson said speeding and driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs were choices people made which could have devastating consequences.
"I think sometimes people think it's terrible, but that it happens to the other person.
"Not too many times we haven't gone to normal people and knocked on their door and told them their loved one's not coming home. Because normal people get killed on our roads too.
"Have a talk to your kids, to your young drivers and maybe express how you'd be feeling if one of us knocked on the door."