Marketing is the easy part because that's already done by retailers. More complicated is the supply chain that can deliver gifts all around the world. Where can he find producers for such a vast scale? He must ensure that they're appropriate so as not to offend anybody. Toys with plastic bits that kids can swallow are not good, so too those containing alcohol or drugs. Weapons and adult-only toys are right out.

He needs a returns policy that meets the legal requirements of nearly every legal jurisdiction on the planet. That means an army of workers, and even after Christmas is over, they'll be dealing with complaints.

He's got to discipline the elves who thought it was a good idea to wrap a child's gift in paper decorated with saucy images. That causes him strife with the union who tells him that his wrapping policies are unclear. The drawn-out legal processes cost him a motza.

These are common business problems. Santa hits a tricky scientific problem when he has to deal with classification. As any taxonomist knows, rigorous categorisation is not easy. Carl Linnaeus created the binomial system for classifying life, but there's no Christmas equivalent to help decide who's entitled to receive gifts. Is it all 7.7 billion people on the planet? Or only people in some religions? What about different denominations or sects?

And if it's only for people who are good, who says? Mary was good today, but yesterday she was terrible.

How would he decide whether a person is adult or child? Sandy is six years, eleven months. Lyn is seven years and one day, while Jo is eight, but was born a month premature.

As any public servant would know, administering this is a nightmare, especially when the entire scheme looks like an ill-considered election promise.

The fun part is on Christmas Eve when they must deliver billions of gifts. Other writers have calculated that they'd need a sleigh as big as Sydney Harbour, travelling at greater than light speed.

Instead, they use the Quantum Multiclause, which allows Team Santa to be simultaneously in many locations at the same moment. That means they can deposit parcels, bypassing stroppy dogs and blocked chimneys.

Mrs Claus knew it was possible when she realised there is only one bushfly. While it appears to us that there are many, it is really only a single fly exploiting quantum superposition. There is really only a single fly in many places at once.

Merry Christmas from Fuzzy Logic. May you bring a little joy to someone this year.