The death of a family member may be one of the most significant experiences of your life.
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There are comforting rules or rituals if you will.
They are traditions that are really ordinary acts of caring, and they can provide spiritual depth and meaning.
You may find that rituals can be a source of comfort for you, your family and the one who is dying.
Comforting rituals when death is near
Simple acts of caring are rituals. In difficult times, these ritualistic acts may take on extra significance.
They can become ways of ordering and calming your feelings, and they provide a way to express the love you may hold for the person who is dying.
You might consider these rituals:
- sitting with the dying person while gentle music plays in the background;
- quietly humming or singing a song;
- reading a favourite story, scripture or poem;
- reading cards or notes sent by friends, colleagues or neighbours;
- holding or stroking the person's hand or arm;
- brushing the person's hair or wiping the person's face;
- giving mouth care or giving small sips of water or ice chips (with guidance from the health care team);
- rubbing the person's feet or legs;
- reminding the person that they are loved and will be remembered;
- thanking the person for the ways they have touched your life.
Such activities are comforting for the person who is dying and for family members.
They calm the feelings of helplessness and uselessness that arise as the person grows weaker and perhaps less alert.
They allow you and your family to express what the person means to you.
Remember to also include self-care rituals in this intense time of concern and caregiving. For example:
- Take breaks to exercise, relax, sleep and eat.
- Make time to reflect on what you are experiencing. Write journal notes if this helps you to express your feelings.
- Remember any spiritual practices that are normally part of your life.
- Keep in contact with concerned family members or friends.
If you belong to a spiritual tradition, you will be able to find rituals that highlight the spiritual significance of your experience and offer comfort to you and the dying person.
You cannot prevent death's arrival.
However, you can nourish yourself physically, spiritually, and socially to have the stamina you need to cope with its impact.
Source: Glen R. Horst MDiv, DMin, BA
Dawn Rasmussen
I love the writing game. It gets me bouncing out of bed, and dragging my feet at night when I have to finish up for the day. I started at The Bendigo Advertiser as the Creative Services Coordinator, and after many changes, I have ended up with a great 12 years with ACM (love that long service leave too as my secret gardens need tending sometimes). Working from home is tops and I hope I have many more productive times ahead.
I love the writing game. It gets me bouncing out of bed, and dragging my feet at night when I have to finish up for the day. I started at The Bendigo Advertiser as the Creative Services Coordinator, and after many changes, I have ended up with a great 12 years with ACM (love that long service leave too as my secret gardens need tending sometimes). Working from home is tops and I hope I have many more productive times ahead.
