'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Chambers,
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No lobbyists in sight, nor press gallery dangers;
But the morning that followed, there was a commotion
With the arrival of Saint Nick's reindeer, who agreed to some motions.
While most of us will hopefully have a quiet or relaxed Christmas Day, there's no rest for Santa and his reindeer, according to a draft parliamentary daily summary.
The Elves are set to meet at 12.30pm on December 25 followed by Senator Prancer's swearing in as senator for the North Pole.
Senator Rudolph's eligibility in the upper house is also up for debate with Santa tabling a letter from the leader of the Red Nose Party.
Motions relating to proposed monitoring of the Easter Bunny's activities, the sleigh maintenance industry and aid to Halloweentown will be voted on.
The Select Committee into Elves and Wellbeing will also table its highly-anticipated report into life on the assembly line.
It's the Christmas gift you didn't even know you were missing.
EAs spill on their secret powers
Across the APS, the executive assistants' network can reach far, but do you know its secrets? At the end of year EA series finale, hosted by IPAA ACT, there was little tea to spill but plenty of relief and support after a challenging year with MoGs and a new government.
Need some of that positivity and support if you're struggling with the job? Just reach out and talk to your secretary's EA, the panel of top-level assistants said.
"Knowledge is power, but it's not powerful if you keep it to yourself and use it for yourself," said Louise Mortimer, the EA to Attorney-General's Department secretary Katherine Jones.
The most common opener they hear is 'sorry to bother you', but the panel agreed there's never a bother.
The EAs to secretaries and deputy secretaries said they'd love to have more APS 3s and 4s approaching them when they're unsure of what to do or who needs to know what.
While they may be privy to all the secrets of their secretaries, only little snippets of the people behind the big titles are ever shared.
Like how Ms Jones sat down in her office "like a little kid, swinging on her chair" after a big moment in her life.
Ms Mortimer had just learned Ms Jones was to be announced as the AGD secretary after her boss came out of Department of Defence secretary Greg Moriarty's office late one night with the news.
Pollies return home after being 'bulldozed' by the year that was
With the final sitting day wrapped up, politicians can finally head back to their electorates, unzip from their politician skins and try to be regular humans for a few short weeks before it all starts again.
For Home Affairs Minister Clare O'Neil, who was spotted on her flight back to Melbourne on Thursday night, that means getting in a bit of time to read.
The short one-hour flight was dedicated to sinking her teeth into a pre-Christmas read, Niki Savva's Bulldozed.
The recent release peers behind the scenes of former prime minister Scott Morrison's time in the top job, including the post-election revelations he secretly nabbed a few ministries unbeknown to many of his colleagues.
Ms O'Neil said she particularly enjoyed reading about one of her portfolio's predecessors, Peter Dutton.
Her only regret? Not saving it for a bit closer to Christmas
'JB Hi-Fi is the benchmark for cool'
You might think we're all public servant dags, Services Australia boss Rebecca Skinner teased at the APS end of year address by Glyn Davis.
Brown cardigan-wearing daggy credentials established, she explained there was nothing daggy about myGov, which is set for significant work next year as the agency expands it into an integrated citizen service.
"myGov is super cool! And if you think JB Hi-Fi is cool, not as cool as myGov," she says, excitedly and not at all daggily.
Even with all the big Christmas online shopping going on, Woolworths has only 24 million monthly logins, JB Hi Fi has 13 million logins a month, and Big W has 11 million.
Guess how many logins myGov has per month? Thirty-million.
Infrastructure Department secretary Jim Betts had the line of the night: "Now I know that JB Hi-Fi is the benchmark for cool."
But Ms Skinner brought up a good point: If myGov ever decides to bring in online Christmas shopping as one of its connected services, it really will be one very integrated citizen service.
Robodebt probes a series of failed memories
Who can truly say what they ate for breakfast last Monday? Or just what they got for a birthday present three years back?
But if all those events were neatly documented in emails, briefing notes and meeting minutes, you might fare better.
That can't be said, however, for the string of bureaucrats sitting at the witness stand for the Royal Commission into Robodebt.
Many who faced tough questioning by seasoned barristers ummed and ahhed their way through recounting what role they played in the unlawful scheme that wrongly sent debt notices to thousands.
Few could remember why they had raised concerns about its legality only to sweep it under the rug in later discussions.
"I simply do not recall," or some other variation were uttered by most but even those fluent in bureaucratese struggled to outwit the counsels.
The only headway made in many hearings was when senior counsel Justin Greggery verballed top officials into a scenario, forcing them to agree it could be close to what happened.
The hearings resume at the end of January.
'Follow me on Insta?'
Foreign Affairs Minister Penny Wong has brushed off Coalition senator James McGrath's request to access her ministerial diary, instead suggesting he hit that "follow" button on her socials.
"I also urge Senator McGrath to follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to ensure he is fully informed about all of my activities to advance Australia's interests in the world," she said.
While we journalists would much prefer the details and nuances of a ministerial diary, we can't help but appreciate the dismissive end-of-year tone.
Over to you
We've heard some public servants will be working through the holiday period in order to prepare for an early Senate Estimates in February next year. We're sure Australians thank you for this commitment to transparency.
This column will be taking a short break until January 16 but we're always on the hunt for stories.
- Have all your department's contractors been gutted?
- Did an air-conditioning unit fall through your branch's ceiling?
- ps@canberratimes.com.au
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