When Alan* lost his temper and assaulted his wife and his eldest son, it was the lowest point of his life.
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In more than 20 years of marriage, Alan and his wife had never fought.
Their first fight, on their daughter's birthday, ended in the domestic abuse and Alan's arrest. He was charged with two counts of assault, and is currently on a good behaviour bond. There is a domestic violence order in place which prevents him visiting the family home.
At first, Alan blamed the people around him.
"I didn't want to take responsibility," he said.
"I was an angry man. I kept saying it was her fault, that she pushed me too far."
After six months of counselling through EveryMan's domestic violence perpetrator program Working With the Man, Alan's attitude has shifted.
"It was mainly my fault," he said.
"I was holding things in, not letting people know the pressure I was under. Society makes you think you're tougher than what you are."
EveryMan violence prevention services co-ordinator Simon Port has been running the one-on-one program for five years. The voluntary program is targeted at men who put their hand up to make a genuine change.
The organisation is funded through the ACT government to provide services to seven men annually. With philanthropic support, they reach on average 25 men each year. But Mr Port said that number is a drop in the ocean for those who need the service in Canberra.
"For some men it's the first time they've really acknowledged their behaviour is unacceptable and for most of them it's the first time they've put their hand up and asked for support," he said.
"We strongly believe that men putting their hand up for help is a rare opportunity. It's something that firstly we need to cherish, and we need to work as quickly as possible with these men whilst they're in that mindframe, which means despite having limited capacity, getting to these men as quickly as they put their hands up."
Through their link with ACT Policing, EveryMan is able to see how many of their clients return to court on domestic violence charges. They have a recidivism rate of less than 7 per cent, Mr Port said.
EveryMan did not receive funding as part of the ACT government's recent domestic violence grants. It's one of just a small number of perpetrator programs in the ACT that aim to rehabilitate domestic violence perpetrators on a voluntary basis, alongside services like the Domestic Violence Crisis Service which runs a residential program, Room For Change.
Room For Change, which opened its doors in 2017, gives men the option to live in one of the DVCS therapeutic properties while undertaking intensive behaviour change group work.
Alan was recommended to EveryMan's program by his lawyer, and was keen to take it up.
"I personally decided to change and say I'll take full responsibility for my actions and accept that," he said.
Within three weeks of the assault, Alan had started counselling with Mr Port.
"It was great. They accepted me with open arms and let me in really quickly and they're still helping me now," Alan said.
Alan said his wife and son lost trust in him that night. He said the assault took less than a minute to take place, and he's regretted it every day since.
"This will never happen again. I've learnt my lesson and I realise what I've done is wrong," he said.
While Alan still hopes for his family to reunite, EveryMan has taught him to take one day at a time.
"I don't want to end up coming home and my wife can't trust me. I did do this the wrong way and now I'm just trying to make it the best I can for everybody."
*name has been changed.
