Domestic Violence Crisis Service men’s behaviour change program team leader Nina Birkl said this is despite the behaviour participants have used ranging from emotional and financial control to extreme forms of physical violence.

“It’s right through the whole gamut of domestic and family violence,” Ms Birkl said.

Since May 2017, she’s been running the Room4Change program, a voluntary men’s behaviour change program teaching men to take responsibility for their actions, to empathise with their partners and children, and to de-escalate situations that may have once led to abuse.

“It's not anger management,” Ms Birkl said.

“There are a lot of men's behaviour change programs that name it anger management because it is easier or softer language, but we haven't seen it be a barrier for men to engage.”

The program is the first of its kind in the capital. It has touched the lives of 41 men since it started. There have been 14 men to complete the full program. Some men have left to undertake drug and alcohol rehabilitation, and others have completed one of the two courses on offer. The men range in age from 21 to mid-50s, but the program accepts anyone over 18.

Men are required to spend nine to 12 months completing the two voluntary courses; a 20-week men’s behaviour change group and a 17-week caring dads group.

“Six months is your minimum if you really want to have any medium to long term change,” Ms Birkl said.

“Any change is just so hard it really takes that time and practice of the skills to really embed it.”

The length of time hasn’t dissuaded men from engaging with the program, she said. But Ms Birkl said Room4Change isn’t a miracle cure, and it shouldn’t be seen as one.

“It might not be a complete cessation of abuse and violence, it could be that just small aspects of that relationship change for the positive,” Ms Birkl said.

“Acknowledging that you’re causing harm in your family, just that alone is so big,” Ms Birkl said.

“To get these men to go, ‘It's my behaviour, this is what I’m choosing to do and I acknowledge that I'm doing that and causing harm’ is just such a big piece of the work and I think it gets a little underestimated.”

As a part of the program, the men engage in group work as a core component. They also have a one-on-one practitioner who specialises in targeted support.

“Then of course we have partner support which is offered as well and the accommodation as an add on tool that we can utilise for safety and to support the men to not return to the family home,” Ms Birkl said.

The response from men has been positive, but Ms Birkl is concerned that they’re going back into a community, or a family, that is telling them they're not the ones in the wrong.

“We’ve certainly had men where their family, their parents, their siblings are strongly saying to them, ‘you don’t have an issue with violence, it’s all about her’. That messaging becomes really difficult for the guys to balance.”

“We’re working in an incredibly complex environment and trying to engage individuals to change in a social context that isn’t changing.”

“Relationship dysfunction is normalised, alcohol related violence is normalised in Australia. It’s trying to engage an individual level of change in a social context in Australia that isn’t changing as quickly and it poses significant challenges.”

Domestic Violence Crisis Service chief executive Mirjana Wilson said more work is needed to change the community’s attitude to domestic violence.

“We can’t do this [men’s behaviour change] work in a vacuum,” Ms Wilson said.

“You can’t just sit here and work in isolation with men that are using violence and then expect that society around them is going to change if we don’t actively work to changing some of those attitudes.”

Ms Wilson is hoping the government will fund the program for a significant period of time to allow the work to continue. The current funding will end mid-2019.

“Our challenge is convincing governments that it is resource intensive and it needs funding for a significant number of years to see those outcomes.”

“It’s about a $900,000 a year program but when you look at how expensive the other touch points are [like the justice system and child protection], it’s actually really good value for money.”

The Room4Change program is being externally evaluated over two years to determine whether the program is having a beneficial outcome for the client and their partner or former partner.

Australian National University associate professor in criminology Dr Jason Payne said the evaluation isn’t looking specifically at reoffending, but what it would take to help the men involved live a non-violent life in the future.

“In almost all cases, the program has required them to understand and think more about their behaviour than they ever have,” Dr Payne said.

“We know that relationships can be dysfunctional, we know there can be challenging circumstances. We also know that men in family violence situations tend not to take personal responsibility for their behaviour. They also tend not to recognise the changes they could make.”

“The program is engaging men to take responsibility for their past actions and responsibility for what could happen in the future.”

Dr Payne said in the first six months the evaluation has found the men are able to articulate personal responsibility.

“One of the important things about family and domestic violence, they will blame their partners for causing the incident or agitating the incident. What we’re finding after being through this program, they seem to be [taking responsibility and trying to change that behaviour], almost without fail.”

Dr Payne said one thing struck him about the men who have completed the program. They still talk about difficult relationship issues - “It’s not like that relationship suddenly becomes 100 per cent fixed as a result of the program” - but they’re able to talk about why those situations arise and what they can do to avoid violence when they do.

Ms Birkl said it’s too early to say whether there would be long-term change for the men taking part.

“Anecdotally one of the things the men talk about is this idea of safety and actually feeling safe in themselves. Quite a few of the men articulate early on that they actually feel really unsafe in themselves because they’re unsure how they’re going to respond, or they know they’re going to respond with abuse or violence," she said.

“Through the program they learn how to put blockers in place, learn different strategies and ways of coping so when things do escalate or they do feel stressed, they can actually plan for that and it’s not just reacting in the moment.”

Men’s behaviour change programs can be challenging times for partners or ex-partners and children of that person. During group work, the men often share some of their worst offending.

Ms Birkl said it can be cathartic, but it can also be triggering.

“There are risks in doing it, but I think that’s something that’s relatively well documented through research, that it can increase the risk to partners as men go through behaviour change,” she said.

“For some of the men that we work with, the level of insight they now have into their behaviour can be overwhelming.”

Domestic Violence Crisis Service stays in constant contact with the partner or former partners throughout the program, informing them of what content is being raised next and whether that is likely to trigger a strong response. The residential component of the program allows men to cool off out of their home settings.

“Partner support is offered to any current partners or any partners the man has a child with.

“It’s a unique part of Room4Change sitting within DVCS, that wrap-around support.”

Ms Birkl said the work is incredibly skilled and specialist work.

“It can be in the nuances of how you engage people in how you’re managing the risk. It’s in every conversation you have, even the conversation you have while you’re making a cup of tea can be an intervention.”