Amy Banson believes the emotional support for women who lose a child during pregnancy or soon after birth has improved markedly in recent decades. But there is still more that can be done.
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A one-time Young Canberra Citizen of the Year, Ms Banson is now a bereavement doula who has organised the Let Me See My Baby event - a panel-led discussion for the Canberra community about helping women and families who face that unspeakable tragedy.
The event is at the National Press Club on Monday, with Ms Banson leading the discussion with other professionals including midwife Melissa Pearce, palliative care nurse Carolyn Mandersloot and Heartfelt photographer Hilary Wardhaugh.
The name of the event, Let Me See My Baby, refers to how women were treated in the past when they lost a child.
"When the event opens, we listen to an audio of a woman who talks about her experience of the death of her twin boys over 40 years ago. That was at a time, sadly, when more often than not it was thought it was better for women not to see their babies when baby had died," Ms Banson said
"We're learning more and more now that's not helpful at all, especially when we look at the mother's grief journey. The bonding after birth is particularly important, regardless of whether the baby is very sick or has already died.
"The second half of the evening we listen to the story of a woman who's baby died only last year. So the night starts from one point and brings us to where we are now and where we can go to from here."
Ms Banson said there have been improvements in care, including allowing bereaved women to have their baby with them as long as possible.
"There's definitely services available now that weren't available to women a number of years ago that are very helpful. Women are experiencing things differently now," she said.
"However, there's still a long way to go in terms of what we can support the woman."
That includes the wider community acknowledging the loss and not putting a timeline on grieving process and allowing the grief-stricken family to continue to talk about the child that has died.
"It's about wanting to hear, wanting to listen instead of being fearful of saying the wrong things. I think that's one of the biggest things is that people avoid conversations because there's a fear that they will say or do the wrong thing.
"That's always coming from a good place, but we can do more in that area, I think."
Now a mother-of-three, Ms Banson, who most recently lived in Queensland, is now on a national roadtrip, facilitating that discussion across the country.
Her past achievements including walking from Brisbane to Canberra in 2006 to draw attention to acquired brain injury. The Walk With a Rose was in memory of Clea Rose who died after being hit by a stolen car in Civic in 2005. Ms Banson was, by chance, the first to tend to Clea minutes after she was hit. She has also created the Strength to Speak program for schools across Australia to shine a light on depression and anxiety.
Ms Banson said being a bereavement doula was also about being true to her passions.
"A bereavement doula is specifically supporting a mum and her family when she's in a bereavement situation so when the baby has died or has a terminal illness," she said.
"It's about telling people you are prepared to walk beside them during their grief."
Proceeds of Let Me See My Baby Canberra are going to Lao Birthwork, which sees Australian professionals helping to impart their skills to remote village birthworkers in Laos.
For more information and tickets go to littlesilkwings.com.au
