A couple of weeks ago Angelina Jolie opened up in an interview with Vanity Fair. She spoke of life post Brad Pitt, how she's dealing with life as a single mother (and there's a discussion to be had somewhere whether the right term is co-parent), about her new film and her relationship with her father, actor Jon Voight.
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And she also spoke about one thing which got me to thinking, thinking about whether I should be doing a better job at this very thing.
She admits she was very worried about her own mother growing up; her mother Marcheline Bertrand, split from Voight when Jolie was young, after Voight's alleged infidelities. And Jolie doesn't want her own children to worry about her.
"I think it's very important to cry in the shower and not in front of them. They need to know that everything's going to be all right even when you're not sure it is."
I'm not sure whether everything will be all right. Who is? Even in the happiest of families, you can never predict where it all might be headed, for better or for worse. When you're on your own that cloud sits directly above your head, and your head only.
But should we let our children be darkened by that cloud? I think we should.
Yes, I've cried in the shower, I still cry in the shower.
But I've also cried in front of the children.
I want them to know it's okay to be sad, to be heartbroken, to be angry, to be confused.
All these feelings are okay.
Strive to be happy but realise that some days you won't be. And that is nothing to be ashamed of.
Cry if you want to. Especially you, my big burly boy, don't let anyone tell you that boys don't cry.
I want my children to know that sometimes I'm hanging on by a thread, but I'm doing everything in my power to make sure I weave those threads into a strong, solid rope that will pull us all out of this.
Not that we need to be pulled out of this. This is okay. We still laugh, we still have beds to sleep in and a roof over our heads, we still have holidays, and our friends around for dinner. Our this is just different, in some ways, many ways, our this is better. Is it worse? No, just different.
But am I doing the right thing?
Social researcher Brene Brown, whose TED talk The Power of Vulnerability has been viewed more than 10 million times, has said that children do not learn from what you tell them. Simply telling your children that it's OK to be vulnerable doesn't work, she says. Children learn from how you model yourself.
In an interview with The Guardian's Tim Lott, who writes a lot of sensible stuff about families, the pair talked about being "wholehearted", being secure enough to experience and demonstrate vulnerability, rather than numb themselves to feeling or keep their emotions hidden.
Wholehearted people, Lott explains, are on terms with negative feelings, tend not to experience shame at their reactions to loss, failure or disappointment. That feeling of shame comes as a result of learning in early life to interpret vulnerability as weakness.
There is nothing weak about me. I might feel vulnerable on occasions but I'm happy to deal with that, deal with all those negative feelings. And learn from them.
In the grand scheme of celebrity splits, I'll admit I look to the pinnacle of unconscious couplers Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin for guidance. Three years down the track the pair still seem to have their parenting down pat.
Just recently Paltrow came out and said the divorce was the hardest thing she'd ever done but she wanted to turn the whole thing into a positive.
And while I might not take Paltrow's advice to steam my vagina nor walk around all day with a jade egg stuck up it, her thoughts on life post separation are kind of where I'm headed.
"I've had an extraordinary life, where things have happened in a huge way – huge success, huge joy, huge pain, huge loss," Gwyneth says, and while my life might not include any Oscar-worthy moments, it hasn't been too bad.
"The reason I feel happy today is because I've milked the f*** out of every opportunity," she continues.
"I haven't made one mistake that I haven't used as a stepping stone to get somewhere else."
And that's what this life has become. A series of stepping stones leading who knows where. I hope Jolie steps out of the shower and joins that journey. And starts milking the f*** out of every opportunity too.
