To sum up Monday night's Q&A, imagine Molly Meldrum asking the Bay City Rollers to weigh themselves against The Beatles: "Congratulations. And what aren't you going to do next?"
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If you were wondering what the newly-elected Morrison government has in store for the next three years, Q&A was the place for you to come ... and leave with absolutely no idea. On the other hand, if you were one of those viewers wondering what the Labor Party might do if it wins the election it just lost and why on Earth they are going to do all those things they won't be able to do, then this was the place for you.
It was less Back To The Future than it was Back To Last Week When We Didn't Know The Result And Only One Party Had A Significant Policy Agenda To Pull Apart.
Not a catchy title, granted, but it was the theme of the night.
Questions to Labor's sacrificial Q&A lamb and potential leader, Jim Chalmers, ran the gamut from: "Why, why, why?" to "WTF, WTF, WTF?"
Chalmers' ideological foes - the beaming budgerigars Alan Jones and Christopher Pyne - enjoyed the evening as if every question were a variation on Ring Them Bells, as recorded by Liza Minnelli and former speaker Bronwyn Bishop.
It's such a happy thing to hear them ting-a ling.
Chirp. Lest one imagine "beaming budgerigars" to be an insult, let the record show that a budgie is defined by more than an unfortunate close-up of Tony Abbott at a swim carnival. The dictionary says of the budgerigar: "A small gregarious Australian ... popular as a cage bird and bred in a variety of colours".
If that doesn't best describe Alan Jones please let us know what does - assuming you have no more important questions of the new government.
And according to Q&A, you don't. So let's have at it.
Jones arrived in one of his suits that are suggestive of being attacked en route to the studio by a gang of Bucks Fizz fans armed with a pail of nail polish. In Saturday's election coverage, Alan came bedecked as a peppermint slice on acid; on Monday's Q&A, he dressed as a pancake slathered with anchovy paste and topped with peaches and a blueberry.
"Peach Pink" was the Twitter verdict. Whatever it was, it was celebratory. And Alan had something to celebrate - not least the free kicks offered up by the questions.
To wit: "Why is it that progressive parties such as Labor are so out of touch with the majority of voters?"
Next: "Will Labor admit that it made a mistake in taxing retirees so hard, and apologise for the blunder?"
And then: "How did you misjudge the mood and intelligence of the Australian people so badly?"
Next: "Under a Labor Party that you lead, will the term 'big end of town' be 'dead, buried and cremated'"?
And, if you could bear it: "Social media picked up on similarities between ScoMo and Bob Hawke ... could ScoMo be our new 'PM for the people'"?
As if that wasn't enough, Tony Jones asked of Chalmers: "It's the obvious issue, would you go back and drink that poison again?"
The newly-retired Pyne did face his share of tough questions. Tough like: "Did you make a mistake leaving?"
Pyne: "I'm very happy. I've been there 26 years. How long can a good thing keep going for?"
How long indeed.
Long enough that a good 45 minutes or more into the show, Q&A at last caught up with the news that Labor had lost the election.
What pray tell, would the new government do?
Jones to Pyne: "We're not talking about Labor anymore. We have moved on to Scott Morrison."
Who? In case you'd missed it in the previous hour, Scott Morrison is the prime minister.
- SMH/The Age
