A man went to get his hair cut, telling his barber excitedly: "I just bought the new Holden Commodore!'. The barber sighed and said: "Then you've just been gipped. Fords are better cars in every category, and the only reason to buy a Holden was that they were Australian made. Now that they're not, there's no excuse for your mistake!"
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The man comes for his next haircut and the barber asks him "where did you get that shirt?" "Kmart." "You're a goose," the barber replies. "Big W will charge you less for basically the same shirt and they've got a better returns policy."
Time passes and the man goes again to the same barber and exclaims excitedly, "I'm going for a holiday to Rome!" The barber rolls his eyes and says "you like wasting your money, don't you? Greece has everything Rome has and for cheaper and with less annoying tourists and with more and safer places to visit." "Ahh, but I'm going to see the Pope!" the man said. The barber replies "Pfft! You won't even see the Pope. He'll be like a little white dot in the distance."
Time goes by as it always does, and the man comes into the barber's shop for another haircut. "How did your trip to Rome go?" asked the barber. "It was great," the man replied.
"I bet you didn't even get near the Pope," snuffs the barber.
"I did actually," replied the man, "in fact, he even spoke to me."
"What, the Pope actually talked to you?" the barber asked incredulously.
"Yes, he did' said the man.
"What did he say?" asked the barber in disbelief.
The man replied: "He said to me 'where on earth did you get that ridiculous haircut?'''
We all know someone like that barber.
I have a friend not radically different. We disagree on everything. For example, with the recent lockdowns, I've had to ring him - not visit - but he never answers his phone. Never.
I argue his system of not answering phone calls only works if other people answer his. He argues we should never answer the phone because we don't know what they want.
So why are we friends if we always argue? Because I never suffer from narcolepsy with him around as I'm on the edge of my seat, careful not to put a word wrong lest he crush my arguments with his arguments using half the words I just used.
And because we both understand that an argument is not a fight, it's only a disagreement.
Many disagree with the concept that an argument is not a fight, and I think the evidence is obvious.
The trap with arguments is that - not always, but often - we tend to enter arguments with the people that we love and trust, not with those we don't as it's downright dangerous to argue with strangers and those arguments can degenerate into an actual fight.
On the other hand, if you argue with family and friends they won't hurt you ... well, we hope not.
Who do we love the most? Our family and friends. Who argues with us the most? Our family and friends. But there are flaws in my argument. It's always such a tragedy to hear that a couple - young or old - have broken up because they were always arguing.
Perception often becomes reality and so, if people think arguments are fights they are going to act accordingly.
And remember, even divorce proceedings are not to find out who was right, but rather to find out who gets what.
It should also be noted that arguments are seen by most as a negative and therefore, something to be avoided.
Perhaps that is why we almost instinctively dislike people who are contrary. This can be noticed even among small children.
A thing to remember is that arguments are often nothing more than aporia - a word that's definition throughout history has been fittingly disputed.
My argument is that arguments are not fights.
But let's not fight over that.
Twitter: @frbrendanelee
