My head says get the vaccine the quickest I can. My heart says this government has misled me time and time again about the vaccine rollout, and didn't do enough deals with enough providers, so I am worried about the one that's available.
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Should I accept a potentially clot-inducing vaccine since the risk is so tiny?
My vaccination was meant to be soon, in phase 2b. I fear it is not 2b.
I'm not the only one who is fearful. New research from the ANU shows women between 18 and 24 are the most reluctant group in Australia when it comes to getting a vaccine - 43 per cent compared with 63 per cent of the rest of the population.
And with perfect prescience, less than one-third of young women say they are confident in the federal government, compared with 47 per cent of the rest of the population.
Look, I want to have the vaccine. I do not want COVID-19, and I do want a fragment of my old footloose life back. But given this latest debacle I can understand why it's hard to have confidence in what the government says, about anything really.
The Prime Minister's ridiculous emergency press conference happened last Thursday night, and was followed by another one the next day. But this ANU research was collected last year.
If we thought young women had low levels of trust in the government before, I'm terrified to imagine what they think now.
Researcher Kate Reynolds, a professor at the Australian National University, says older women don't have the same level of doubt. Younger women, she says, often feel as if their bodies are not always their own, and therefore feel that they need to be cautious.
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Which is fair. From my point of view, the handling of the AstraZeneca vaccine has been hopeless but, as Reynolds points out, while there might be reservation about AstraZeneca for young people, this needs to be contained to this vaccine and not others.
The public's attitude to vaccination and willingness to get vaccinated are critical to maintaining our long-term health, and should be the key focus here.
Reynolds has evidence that an important factor in vaccine uptake is confidence in government. She says confidence and trust are linked to transparency in decision-making. Maybe Australians deserve an advisory group whose deliberations are public and open.
No more working behind the scenes for ATAGI, the Australian Technical Advisory Group on Immunisation. Meet in public, or if not that, do what the Reserve Bank board does. Release more than the annotated agenda, and do it in a timely fashion (still waiting for December).
Let it all hang out so we understand what's going on, when and why. Because those of us without medical degrees have no freaking idea what's going on or why, and it's being mainly communicated by politicians who are gormless.
Nothing engenders mistrust like a bumbling politician, especially when it comes to our health.
- Jenna Price is a visiting fellow at the Australian National University and a regular columnist.