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Despite being afraid, stressed and in the middle of a break down, it was a while before new mum Katie Fielding went to get help.
She was so ashamed of her perceived failing as a mother, she stayed quiet about the voice - the voice that was telling her to hurt her newborn daughter.
It's only now almost 12 years later, she can speak openly, without fear of stigma, over her experience with perinatal anxiety and postnatal psychosis.
In Australia, one in five mothers will have perinatal anxiety or depression.
While the 'baby blues' have been referred to in hushed tones for years, many people are unaware the issues around mental health and pregnancy can start during the gestation period. With many mothers pushing down these issues as something they just need to bear.
Director and founder of The Bubble Launceston, Dr Natasha Vavrek wants to change this.
Dr Vavrek said she developed The Bubble in response to the need she saw from women needing female practitioners when she was working as a general practitioner, she said she saw a huge gap in the market for women's health, especially around mental health and pregnancy.
"Women are very embarrassed to talk openly about it, even to their friends and to their family, so they're more likely to keep it to themselves," she said.
"I've definitely had women come in with quite significant symptoms, and they've been too embarrassed to even talk to their partner about it."
We do know perinatal anxiety in pregnancies can increase risks of early preterm delivery and complications.
- Dr Natasha Vavrek
Not only does Dr Vavrek have a passion for women's health and support women not only during but after pregnancy, Dr Vavrek also dealt with perinatal anxiety herself.
"Four years ago, I was doing very well, I was a partner in practice. I had a beautiful family. My relationship was great. I had a toddler who was very happy and healthy. There was really no reason for me to get anxiety or depression," she said.
"It wasn't until I was about 23 weeks pregnant I actually had a breakdown and turned out I was suffering severe perinatal anxiety and depression."
Dr Vavrek said even as a doctor with experience in women's health, she said she had "absolutely no insight into what was happening."
Perinatal anxiety can present during pregnancy as well as after and often goes hand-in-hand with perinatal depression.
Signs of perinatal anxiety can be overthinking, ruminating on certain thoughts, catastrophising, and developing social anxiety and being afraid to leave the house.
Other symptoms can include fatigue, lack of motivation and energy, and over or under eating.
"Anxiety is normal. Everybody has anxiety to a certain degree, but sometimes it just takes on a life of its own. And in pregnancy that can be detrimental because anxiety can lead into depression, and can lead into psychosis," Dr Vevrek said.
"We do know perinatal anxiety in pregnancies can increase risks of early preterm delivery and complications."
Tasmanian mum of two, Ms Fielding said she thought someone was wrong with her as a person if she wasn't able to be perfect all the time and this was exacerbated during her second pregnancy.
It wasn't until she had thoughts of harming herself, she told her GP.
"I thought this is not okay. I am not okay," Ms Fielding said. "Obviously I needed some help, clinical intervention to manage through that period."
This anxiety lead to postnatal psychosis, which Ms Fielding said was like living in a nightmare she couldn't escape.
"It was the worst experience of my life, because as a mother you're supposed to love and protect your child and I didn't really see these thoughts as an illness, I saw them as my own," she said.
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Ms Fielding said she remembered the male voice telling her to harm her baby about six weeks after her daughter was born.
"One of the things I really struggled to do was when I was experiencing postnatal psychosis was how do I actually go to my GP and say this, how can I actually say these words out loud and what will he think of me?" she said.
"There's just so much stigma in society in regards to these topics."
Ms Fielding said while she was supported by her partner, GP and psychologist she had already been seeing, awareness was needed for mental health issues during and after pregnancy.
Dr Vavrek said making women feel ok to discuss their mental health was vital to tackling perinatal anxiety.
"We need to talk about it more. We need to normalise it," she said. "If we can manage mental health effectively then we have better outcomes for pregnancies, and we have better outcomes for women in that postnatal space."
- Lifeline 13 11 14
- The Parent Line 1800 808 178