Got a colleague who speaks like a wanker? It's all in a day's work

"It's all Microsoft Teams now," says Schoeffel. "If you're still on Zoom, basically you're a child of the 20th century. Be like everyone else and get onto Teams and have problems logging on to it every single morning."

Firth is such a fan of Teams that he looks forward to his yearly "wrapped" report.

"My most used phrase was 'touched base', quickly followed by 'you're on mute'," he says.

They agree that sometimes it feels like we've been on mute for the past four years, since we started working remotely in the midst of the pandemic. Has the change in the way people work changed their show?

"We're actually behind the push to get people to return to the office, which I'm sure is popular with your readers in Canberra," says Schloeffel.

"A world without micro-managing middle managers is a world without management consultants and we don't like it."

Wankernomics 2.0: As per my last email is the follow-up to the 2023 debut comedy show which took the comedy world by storm.

Schloeffel and Firth take to the stage as "management consultants", and if you think of all those workplace change training sessions you've ever sat through, all those inane LinkedIn profiles you've trolled, all the 360-feedback meetings, you'll see why it's pitched as the show about "workplace hell".

And it's a hell that many of us can't escape from, even if we are working from our dining tables.

"We did consider just doing this show remotely," says Firth. "Get everyone to bring their laptops and just log in. We weren't even going to wear pants - who would know?"

Instead, the Canberra Theatre Centre will be like one big training room, a 60-minute meeting with audience participation. The pair love Canberra audiences - the nation's capital really is the heartland of Wankernomics.

"While Canberra is less corporate, more bureaucratic with more of a government focus, bullshit is bullshit," says Schloeffel.

"We got a guy up on stage last year and he was a gardener and he was totally loving all the stuff about emails that we had in the show.

"There's certain stuff that every profession has to deal with, whether they're gardeners, or bureaucrats for robodebt, tradies or whatever - everyone has to deal with the bureaucracy and banality of it all."

Maybe they could make their lives easier and just get ChatGPT to write the show?

"That's what we did," says Schloeffel.

In this season's show there's a section on LinkedIn and how to use it.

"It's just occurred to me that perhaps a lot of people are using AI to write their LinkedIn profiles because some of them are just absolutely terrible," says Firth.

They have no sympathy for me when I admit I get more profile views on LinkedIn than I do on Bumble.

"Basically isn't LinkedIn a dating app for middle-age middle managers?" says Schloeffel.

According to his profile, Schloeffel is "a brand builder and thought leadership ninja, who has been using words like value-add, change-agent and solutions-architecture to impress clients for more than a decade".

In reality he's a Melbourne-based writer and founder of the satirical website The Shovel. His work has appeared in numerous publications and he is a regular writer for the Chaser Quarterly.

"And I worked for a branding agency once, working with a lot of corporate types, and I certainly learned how to bullshit your way through a meeting," he says.

Firth is "passionate about creating bespoke consulting solutions and growth strategies for clients across all sectors". He's also a founding member of The Chaser.

"So really I spent much of my 20s dressing up in suits and trying to sneak past reception areas."

Their voices rise when I mention their idea for getting your message across in meetings - by just repeating what someone else has said, but in a louder voice.

And what about mansplaining? Should there be a whole section on that?

"Absolutely Karen, but first let me explain what mansplaining means," says Firth.

"Actually," says Schloeffel in a loud voice, "I've just had this good idea that we should have a section in the show about mansplaining."

Touche, lads.

"Last year we did have a bit about how men are basically dickheads all the time when it comes to meetings," he says. Right back at you.

With more of us working from home, do they think it's possible that people actually miss the office? That once you realised your husband was a "circle back" kind of guy, you couldn't wait to get back on a bus and into the city?

"Imagine if we did find ourselves talking that way at home," says Schloeffel. "Your kid's report card became a living, breathing, document; when your wife asks you what you've been doing at the pub, just say 'I haven't got the figures in front of me'. Maybe there is scope for it."

Do they have a few tips for those of us just starting out on our Wankernomics language facilitation journey?

Using a phrase that's much longer than necessary is a great start, they suggest.

Don't say "look". Say, "I need to get some visibility on that".

And never say "it works". Say, "It delivers and end-to-end holistic 360-degree solution that activates and innovates within the prescribed KPI framework".

Wankernomics 2.0 does just that.