I spend an unsavoury amount of time perusing Reddit. In my senior years, I just don't have the stomach for the engagement announcements and fitness transformations that come with the comparatively glitzier platforms of Facebook and Instagram.
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While I get zero social interaction on Reddit, I now benefit my friends IRL because I have become a living vessel of true scary stories thanks to many piss-your-pants hours spent on r/LetsNotMeet.
Another subreddit fascinating in a less horrific way, which also allows me to further burrow into my beloved hometown like a sexy summer tick, is r/Canberra. During my online dalliances here I've observed the fluffy, at times matted, underbelly of our bush capital.
Here's what Canberrans care about, according to their Reddit movements.
MISADVENTURES IN PARKING
If you've recently closed off a series of disabled parking spots with your voluptuous ute and semi-trailer set-up, your quick stop at the bottle-o hasn't gone unnoticed, you cheeky rat! In fact, you've probably had a bunch of strangers rake you in Reddit comments.
"DID ANYONE HEAR THAT?"
You know how in the dead of the night you hear a loud "doot!" and you just pass it off as a car backfiring or a ghoul tap dancing and you pass back out?Well, imagine a world where every gunshot-sounding noise in Canberra was recorded in a forum where speculations about potential warfare in "Belcompton" follow. That's the Canberra subreddit.
MILITARY FLYPASTS
In the annals of r/Canberra, there's typically someone who brags about their top real estate affording them a mint view of flypasts. Other times, there's the frustrated parent sobbing over their keyboard while punching out: "Try having a sleeping baby!"
SEASONAL ANIMALIA
In spring, you've got posts about swoopyboiz thirsting for the supple heads of cyclists, and in summer, you've got photos of demure yet devilish brown snakes slithering into the thread. Doesn't sound too uplifting but if you want pretty things haul ass to Instagram, Reddit is only going to tear at your insides.
(Occasionally, there are stray bunnies and rogue northside poultry.)
GAMER SEEKS GAMER
Sometimes when a new guy moves to town, he'll do a routine Reddit callout for females, or somewhere to meet them. Typically the criteria is that the woman must game. It's an unconventional way to meet people, sure, but I know a couple who met on Gumtree so all power to them. You can't fault someone for being open about their wants and enterprising beyond the beastly realm of Tinder.
LIGHT RAIL TESTS
While some Canberrans like to sip from the reality TV goblets of The Bachelor and The Block, some Redditors like when their cups runneth over with footage of light rail test runs.
UNSOLICITED INSTAGRAM-WORTHY IMAGES
Anywhere you look on the net, there's a newbie. A newbie who will live to regret ever giving an unfamiliar medium a go. For me, this time was about five years ago when I posted a selfie to r/OneTrueGod of me reclining onto my silken Nicolas Cage pillow. I thought it was cute, and Reddit thought I should die. A fair exchange I suppose.
In the Canberra subreddit, there are often users who will upload their positively picturesque shot of the sun setting or rising, only to be told by fellow Redditors: "This isn't Instagram you self-promoting hack!"
CANBERRA APPRECIATION
But not all dreamers die on Reddit. r/Canberra can be a happy place, where locals, visitors and new residents post about the unique nature of our bush capital, and other Redditors are right there with them.