Henry Speight found his Wallabies motivation in heartbreak this year.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
or signup to continue reading
That's why the ACT Brumbies player of the year is so determined for a breakout international performance against South Africa in Perth on Saturday night.
Speight, the flying Fijian winger, made a promise to himself to leave no stone unturned this year after the death of close friend and former All Black Sione Lauaki and Christian Lealiifano's cancer diagnosis.
So before he even touched a ball in his Super Rugby comeback season, Speight had set his goal to repay the Brumbies and cement his place in Wallabies gold.
"I know it sounds silly because I'm in my seventh Super Rugby season, but this year I wanted to make the most of it," Speight said.
"There are other factors. The battle Christian went through and the death of Sione put things in perspective for me before the season started.
"It showed me how grateful I have to be in this position. I wanted to go out there and be the best I could for those who can't do it.
"Christian was dying to play from the start of the year and then [Lauaki] ... I felt like it would be wrong of me to sit back and go through the motions and not take the opportunity that others don't have, or have lost.
"I didn't lose the hunger. But this year has reignited the fire in me to do my best and make it to the top."
Lealiifano diagnosis rocked the rugby community last year and the heartache hit again when Lauaki, who Speight played with in New Zealand, died despite being just 35 years old.
"I played [New Zealand provincial rugby] with Lauaki, he was a top man," Speight said.
"His death, Dan Vickerman's death and Christian's battle ... it hit me how lucky I am. I wanted that to show in the way I played and give back as much as I can.
"Now I just take that into every Test and I'm relishing every chance to wear this gold jersey."
Speight is a big-hearted speedster who dedicates every try to the Walk On Walk Strong charity in Fiji, which helps children through their battles with cancer.
The 29-year-old put his immediate Super Rugby and Wallabies ambitions on hold last year to focus on a bid to play sevens at the Rio Olympic Games.
His Olympic hopes were derailed by injury, but it helped spark his passion for the Brumbies and Wallabies.
He scored seven tries in the Super Rugby season - his best scoring tally since 2013.
But his international record is still waiting for the floodgates to open, having scored just three tires in 14 Tests since making his Wallabies debut four years ago.
"I came back with a renewed focus and confidence. Missing a lot of games for the Brumbies last year reminded me how much I wanted to be a part of it," Speight said.
"I'm always searching for a way to go to that next level for the Wallabies.
"You've got to find a balance in your game and in the first Bledisloe in Sydney, defence was a bit of an issue.
"But I am feel comfortable and confident so hopefully that translates into good performances, as long as we are winning Tests."
Speight is keen to transfer his Brumbies form into the Test arena after winning the Brett Robinson Award as the club's best player last weekend.
"To be recognised by your peers is above and beyond everything else, it's something I will cherish forever," Speight said.
Speight will be playing against South Africa for the first time as the Wallabies attempt to restore pride after losing the first two Tests of the Rugby Championship.
The softly spoken flyer is well aware the Wallabies need to start winning to ease the pain in Australian rugby as Western Force fans plan a sea of blue protest at nib Stadium.
The Wallabies will then land in Canberra next week for Australia's first Test in the capital since 2010.
"We're all hurting together [after the Force were axed], the only way we can help is by putting in a performance hopefully the fans, supporters and country can be proud of in the next two weeks," Speight said.
