Last year's grand final loss to the Sydney Roosters left Charnze Nicoll-Klokstad with a gaping wound - one he believes won't heal until the Canberra Raiders break their 26-year premiership drought.
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The New Zealand international tries not to dwell on what might have been 12 months ago, but simply can't help but be reminded of how close he came to the ultimate prize every time he takes the field against the Sydney Roosters.
Friday's sudden-death semi-final against the premiers at the SCG is the third meeting between the bitter NRL rivals in 2020 and Nicoll-Klokstad admits revenge for last year's heartache continues to be a motivating factor.
"There's a little bit of that each time we've played the Roosters this year to be honest," Nicoll-Klokstad said.
"They got us there in the grand final and that burn from losing against them won't go until we get another opportunity to hopefully win one.
"For myself, it's hoping we get another opportunity to have another crack at that grand final. It's not often that players get that opportunity.
"There's been players in the past have only had one crack at it and never had another one, so [we're] just hoping it's not us."
Nicoll-Klokstad has played in all but one match for the Raiders this season. He sat out round 12's win over North Queensland nursing a gruesome finger compound fracture.
Season 2020 follows on from his first year at the club where he played in every match, barring the round 25 fixture against the New Zealand Warriors
His consistency was rewarded following last year's grand final defeat when called up to make his New Zealand debut against Australia on October 25.
He went on to play two more Tests for his country against the touring British Lions.
For Nicoll-Klokstad, it meant playing alongside some of his biggest idols in rugby league.
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"To see Roger [Tuivasa-Sheck], Shaun [Johnson] and Benji Marshall - they're like the stars of NZ for us and to see all three of them get back together...it was a dream come true for me more than them," Nicoll-Klokstad said.
"They're like idols to me those guys. Role models. To see them all playing in one team was pretty special as a fan for me.
"To be able to rub shoulders with them, Madge [NZ coach Michael Maguire] giving me the call after the grand final, saying you're playing outside Benji, it took me aback.
"I was thinking 'Oh man, if was ever to make the Kiwis, [it would] probably be way past Benji's time because I never thought it would happen that quick' and to be able to have done that before he hangs up the boots was pretty special."
Nicoll-Klokstad will be up against two other New Zealand teammates on Friday in Jared Waerea-Hargreaves and Joseph Manu.
"It's crazy playing against players I used to watch on TV growing up, even Jared, he's been in the game for a long time," Nicoll-Klokstad said.
"I actually spoke to him about a moment where I first noticed him. That was a long time ago.
"I watched him on TV for a long time. He's been in the game for 10 years already, it's crazy
"To be able to play against those sorts of boys and teammates from Kiwis is special. It's exciting, these are the sorts of games that you want to get up for a be a part of."
Nicoll-Klokstad is one of 11 Raiders playing on Friday who featured in last year's losing grand final team.
James Buckley
James is a Queanbeyan boy enjoying his second stint at the Canberra Times, more than eight years on from his first. In between he's traveled the world, and spent time covering sport in Sydney.
James is a Queanbeyan boy enjoying his second stint at the Canberra Times, more than eight years on from his first. In between he's traveled the world, and spent time covering sport in Sydney.
