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We were lost. We'd just driven through Nowhere Else (Pop. 40) on our way to somewhere else when we noticed the same roadkill victims for the third time. They were as dead as our mobile signal. For a brief moment we wished we were anywhere else but in Tasmania.
Stupid us. We've been on enough road trips over the years to know that regional and rural Australia has more holes in its phone network than its bitumen roads. But who uses old-fashioned printed maps anymore?
We squinted for ages at the phone like forlorn sailors staring at a broken compass. Then we resumed driving, blindly descending into hidden valleys, twisting through hairpin bends designed by sadistic road engineers before climbing yet another jagged mountain range. Thirty minutes later we found the holy grail: two bars of 3G.
My wife said the view from the passenger seat was breathtaking. She wasn't talking about the scenery. "Why are you so calm and happy?" she asked. "Normally you'd be ranting about how pathetic Australia's mobile coverage is and how the powerful have forsaken the bush."
I smiled condescendingly. "Because now I know someone has our back and is trying to fix the problem," I replied. "The National Party, those passionate and loyal defenders of the bush, those brave and selfless voices who have achieved so much for regional and rural Australia, are on the case."
As we waited for Google Maps to figure out where we were, I told her what the incisive and charismatic leader of the Nationals, David Littleproud, had recently declared.
"In 2023 communication has never been more important," said Littleproud. "It is critical as a safety and emergency response, enabling better commerce, business and social interaction..."
My wife said it sounded awfully like a statement of the bleeding obvious. Not so, I replied smugly, comparing the perceptive insights of Littleproud to the previous Nats leader, Barnaby Joyce, who only narrowly avoided facing trial on repeated charges of murdering the English language.
"Littleproud is demanding that Labor intervene to ensure everyone in regional Australia has decent mobile access," I explained. "He's challenging it to extend the Universal Service Obligation guaranteeing everyone access to landlines and payphones by including mobile phones, too. How brilliant is that? He says Labor should introduce something called mandated mobile roaming that would force the telcos to share their towers, thus vastly improving regional mobile coverage."
"So why didn't they do it when they were in government?" asked my wife.
There was an edge to her voice. The anxiety of not being in touch with the outside world was clearly getting to her. "Nine years of power wasn't enough?" she asked. "The Nats are a century old. They shared government for two-thirds of the 20th century. How slowly do these people move?"
I stared at the phone. Google Maps was still calculating our route to somewhere else. I felt obligated to defend a party that proudly represents its constituents. "They're a beacon of hope for the forgotten people," I stammered. "They champion those who feed the nation, they're the brave guardians who stand up for those with calloused hands who toil and sweat without the advantages of the big cities."
"Is that so?" There was a gleam in her eyes now. "Just explain to me what the Nats have actually done for regional and rural Australia. Actually, let me count the ways..."
She took a breath and continued. "How about the sharp decline in access to health services for those in the bush? And why is it that the 28 per cent of Australians who live in regional and rural areas have household incomes 19 per cent less compared to those in cities?"
I hate it when she throws numbers around. But Google Maps was still doing its sums. There was no stopping her.
"Rural hospitals and schools? Severely understaffed. Transport and fuel costs? Higher. Groceries? More expensive. Poverty and mortality rates? Higher. Employment and education? More disadvantages. And who the hell poses as the voice of the farmer while putting big agribusinesses first? Why are they absent on water rights issues? And let's not talk about their climate change denial or their cozying up to fossil fuel companies..."
Just then Google Maps burst into life. "See!" I said. "You've got to have hope. That's what the Nats are all about. Hope."
We drove off to somewhere else in silence. One day the Nats will show her, I thought.
Just you wait and see. All they need is a little time.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Have the Nats let down regional and rural Australia? Do you have significant problems with mobile coverage in your area or has it improved? And do you still use paper-based street guides and maps? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Employment contracts that aim to prevent workers from moving to a rival firm are in the federal government's sights over concerns they could be stifling job mobility and holding down wages. The Assistant Minister for Competition, Charities and Treasury, Andrew Leigh, has asked Treasury and the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission to advise on the impact of so-called non-compete and no-poach clauses in employment and business contracts and what action the government should take.
- Four Aboriginal spears taken by Captain James Cook when he landed in Botany Bay in 1770 are to be returned to the descendants of the original peoples. In a deal brokered by the National Museum of Australia in Canberra, Trinity College, Cambridge in Britain has agreed to repatriate the items of immense historical significance to the La Perouse Aboriginal community.
- Australia is supporting Vanuatu's bid to have a top international court outline what responsibilities countries have to act on climate change. The Pacific island nation is one of the most susceptible to the impacts of climate change and has asked the International Court of Justice to issue an advisory opinion on the issue.
THEY SAID IT: "As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps." - Chris Cannon
YOU SAID IT: Bellowing about planned changes to tax concessions on large superannuation balances isn't likely to win friends for the opposition. In fact, it could end up as a blistering own goal.
David suggests the government go further: "This is not a change to super. It is a change to taxation. There is no restriction on the amount anyone can contribute to their super, and even with the tax increase, it is still lower than the marginal tax the super hoarders would otherwise pay on income. Next, an inheritance tax to reduce inter-generational wealth transfers. At the moment it's like playing Monopoly when one person gets six goes around the board before anyone else can play."
Elaine says: "While some MPs have multiple homes/houses/property and enjoy a very generous salary, I find it disingenuous to spruik identity with the general public about 'tax breaks'. With so many struggling with rising mortgages and grocery expenses it seems obscene to challenge a fairer distribution of wealth especially with medical coverage, disability services and aged care requiring more money and homeless people, many of whom lost homes due to floods and bushfires, continue to struggle with little assistance."
Erik says the government should go further: "Even a slightly higher tax rate on super balances between $2 million and $3 million and then the 30 per cent rate at $3 million wouldn't have a huge impact except on some so-called self-funded superannuants who are in that position because of the tax concessions the rest of us have paid for."
Arthur says: "Poor Peter Dutton. He has taken Anthony Albanese's bait hook, line and sinker. If he was smart, Dutton would have challenged the Prime Minister to bring the changes to tax on superannuation forward to the next budget due shortly instead of waiting till after the next election. Increases in taxation on the wealthy are long overdue. The fact that only 0.025 per cent of taxpayers have superannuation balances over $6 million is clear evidence of unfair distribution of wealth in Australia. Capital gains tax concessions on family homes is reasonable unless we are talking about multimillion dollar mansions owned only by very wealthy."
Vince, however, sees it differently - and he's angry: "Two professional people who work hard all their lives and never take a cent of welfare or other benefits could easily have a super nest egg of around $3 million in a consolidated super account from which they derive an income in retirement. This is now going to be taxed. Average Joe, on the other hand, who has pissed his salary and earnings up against the wall will on retirement put out his greasy hand and derive a full pension."
Mark has a few suggestions: "Reduced super concessions, capital gains on investment properties, franking credits, negative gearing and, I suspect, many other tax dodges should be amended or scrapped. How about limiting negative gearing to a new build for five years? This would encourage adding to housing and to the employment of tradies. Make the tax concessions work for betterment, not wealth maintenance. Let the government be nimble in amending concessions. The electorate should get used to changes in policy and the Opposition not go into hysterics over concession flexibility."