And then I went back to my book.

Anyone who knows me knows I believe that cleanliness is next to godliness. A clean house is a sign of a clean mind. My idea of mess is another's interpretation of minimalist living. Everything has its place.

So why have I become such a sloth when it comes to housework? Maybe it has something to do with my current marital status.

New research out of the United States, which tracked 20,000 mothers between the years 2003 and 2012, has dispelled the common assumption that single mothers are burdened with more housework than married women.

The data showed married women spent on average 2.95 hours a day on housework, compared to 2.41 hours for unmarried women. Unmarried women also found an extra 10 minutes per day for leisure activities, and got 13 minutes more sleep.

The researchers discovered married women were more likely to "perform gender" in relationships.

"Married mothers increase housework in part to meet expectations about home-cooked meals, clean clothes, and well-kept houses - behavior integral to contemporary definitions of appropriate behavior for wives and mothers," authors Joanna Pepin, Liana C. Sayer, and Lynne M. Casper wrote.

"Marriage remains a gendered institution that ratchets up the demand for housework and childcare through essentialist beliefs that women are naturally focused on home and hearth," the authors wrote, concluding that married women are prioritising housework over leisure time or sleep as they conform to societal expectations around gender.

Now I pride myself on my domestic godliness; a well-kept house full of home-cooked meals and clean clothes is a proper home.

But so is one full of love, and laughter, and nights eating out of bowls on the lounge while we watch a movie, of spending time on a weekend enjoying each other's company rather than vacuuming or cleaning showers.

Did I spend time doing housework, when I was married, because that's what I thought was expected? Was I trying to prove I was a good wife, a good housewife, a good mother, by ironing pillowcases and business shirts? Was this a way of showing him that I cared, or was it just some gender pattern we fell into?

I was talking to a young friend the other day, about to take the giant step of moving in with her boyfriend. I don't want to do his washing, she told me. And that struck me as odd. When does the washing become his, or yours? Is there communal washing, like bed sheets and tea towels? But she was obviously aware of "doing gender" in her own fresh relationship. The only advice I had for her was, maybe you do his washing and you find that he's cooking dinner. Talk about roles and responsibilities. Find out how to care for each other.

And later that night, after I got over the irony of people coming to me for relationship advice, I started to think about that concept of how keeping house is a way of showing that you care.

So why don't I show myself that same care? When the kids are due back, it's a flurry of activity to get the house back to "normal". Surely I deserve that normal, my new normal, and if I'm honest, I know the dusty shelves and grubby bench are symptoms of me disrespecting myself. I deserve a clean home.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm getting the ladder out to deal with those cobwebs. Time to blow them away.