A chat with April Hélène-Horton is like a masterclass in how to be a better person.
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That's not to say that you will be the best version of yourself in 30 minutes or less. How could you be? This is not a get-rich-quick version of self-growth.
But a conversation with Hélène-Horton is one that sees you go deep, to talk about topics that you may avoid - consciously or not - in everyday life. It's the type of conversation that leads you to do some soul-searching that will, at some point, help you become a better person.
Those of you who have not had the pleasure of a chat with Hélène-Horton - who is better known by her Instagram handle, The Bodzilla - only need to look at her social media for a glimpse of what such a conversation might entail.
It's here that the Canberran has carved out an online space for body acceptance and fat positivity. It's filled with photos of her outfits, relatable tweets, throwback pictures of her young self still struggling with the way she looked. And above all, it's filled with captions dishing out the Hélène-Horton guide to living a life spent loving your body all while checking your own internal biases at the door.
It's a message that has resonated with people nationwide, with Hélène-Horton taking massive strides in the world of body acceptance.
In the almost three years since she started The Bodzilla, she's gone on not only to have a successful social media presence, but also to become the first plus-size bikini model to grace a billboard in Australia - as part of Curvy Swimwear's Beach Please campaign - as well as a regular model for various Australian clothing brands including Abbie Chatfield's Verbose label, and an ambassador with the Butterfly Foundation.
Through the foundation - which is a support service for those living with an eating disorder and body image issues - Hélène-Horton has shared her own experiences, in the bid to break down stigma.
But as with every success story, it's not something that happened overnight. And when Hélène-Horton was taking this journey, it was a time when there was far less representation of people living a life of self-love for their plus-sized body. Which, considering how rare that still is, is saying something.
"I'm turning 38 next month, and in my entire life, I can say that only in the last two to three years have I seen people who even remotely resemble me in things like modelling campaigns on the television, in film, and certainly not nearly as many as there ought to be," she says.
"As someone who's always worked in proximity to or on the periphery of media, social media, I remember working for a brand who were like, 'We actually can't include you in this campaign' ... I wasn't allowed to be included because it was a food brand and they wouldn't let me be in the photos. They were worried about the negative connotations of having a fat person on their profile."
Hélène-Horton assures me the person who broke the news in this instance was perfectly nice about it. Or as nice as rejection can be.
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But you'd never find a marketing person who'd come clean about why a plus-size person is being rejected from a marketing campaign. It's never "because you're fat" and only ever "you're just not the right fit".
And at the time, Hélène-Horton saw the rejection as something that just made sense. She still believed the negative messages that she had either told herself or had been told directly and indirectly by society and the media. She had the internal belief, crystalised from the external messaging, that she didn't belong.
Now, she spends as much time as she can reminding people it's the message that's wrong, not the person. That how someone looks is not the most important thing about them.
That self-doubt on bad body image days still creeps in, sometimes.
"It's when you see something and you think, I feel excluded from that, or I don't feel seen by that, or I don't resonate with this, because it doesn't show people that look like me. It's still a problem," Hélène-Horton says.
It's all about representation, isn't it?
And when it comes to representation now, it can still be a case of it being a token gesture, Hélène-Horton says. While there are brands who are out to engage with their audiences authentically through representation, there are still some that see it as a matter of ticking the box.
Hélène-Horton says her goal is to get rid of the box.
"There is an untapped amount of talent existing everywhere, in every industry, because people are overlooked because of unconscious bias in hiring processes and during castings," she says.
"You can turn up for something and they will instantly be like, 'Oh, you're not quite right'. Why though? That's the question ... And this takes a lot of effort and a lot of willingness to be able to go, 'Actually, I was talking absolute rubbish, when I said this is not right.'
"When you set standards for things, and then you realise those standards have been built within patriarchal narratives around body image, and beauty standards, around misogyny and racism, you have to get real with yourself.
"And that's hard - and it can make Christmas awkward. I think that a lot more people, but not enough people, are taking the time to get real with themselves in that way."
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It's a throwaway comment, but still, in five words Hélène-Horton sums up how even family spaces don't necessarily mean safe spaces around these topics - "It can make Christmas awkward".
A lot of our conversation does revolve around representation in the media - of all types. But it's not just the people who are being excluded from representation who are seeing said media. And this continual messaging of what is "good" and what is "bad" can lead to comments from family members around a whole slew of things - racism, sexism, and beauty standards. And that can lead to comments that usually come with the caveat "I say this with love" and end with "have you thought about a diet?".
It's a situation Hélène-Horton says not only crosses a line into a harmful territory, but it also raises the issue of health being put on a moral pedestal.
"You can't draw a direct line between someone's size and someone's health," she says.
"And I think conversations around how comments can affect people's body image at any size is something to be considered ... it's important that everyone who experiences negative body image and wants to share that experience online should be allowed to do that."
But on the flip side, Hélène-Horton says, there also needs to be recognition of where those conversations fit in the overall conversation. Is it a point of view that leads the conversation, and hopefully society, down the path to fat liberation and actual change, or is it a point of view that discusses the love of stretch marks?
To the latter, Hélène-Horton says: "OK, that's good, but is that the most important thing?"
"Sometimes we find that those people who are sharing about accepting flaws are also sometimes subconsciously or unconsciously perpetuating the storyline that discusses what they love about their body is strength and fitness and health care.
"[They say] 'Even though I might have stretch marks or a bit of loose skin I'm still healthy'. You don't owe anyone healthy. Health isn't a moral thing.
"For the people who live with chronic health conditions, disabled people, especially in the wake of COVID - for all of the people who are experiencing post-COVID, or long COVID issues - people who always valued 'but at least I'm healthy' are no longer able to claim that for themselves and are now feeling like that's a failure by them. Messaging around health versus looks still perpetuates a narrative around what you have to be to make up for the fact that you might be something else."
This point is just an example of how layered the conversation surrounding body image issues is. It's not a matter of "healthy equals good" no matter what you look like, because that's not always a realistic goal for everyone.
And potentially, that's something the rest of Australia is about to figure out - in an ideal world, at least.
Since Taryn Brumfitt was named Australian of the Year last month, the topic of body image has been in the spotlight to the largest degree in this country to date.
Two days after the announcement, Hélène-Horton took to Instagram to welcome the news, praising Brumfitt's work. She even shared a moment a few years ago that, at an event where Brumfitt was a guest speaker, when Hélène-Horton remembered feeling that a wider audience was not ready to talk about bodies, the way that Brumfitt and others at the event were.
Still, in the post, she noted that the fact Brumfitt was "white, able-bodied, and relatively thin" meant she was a relatable face of the body acceptance movement. But it is a first step, and Hélène-Horton also noted she hoped that it was an opportunity for everyone to widen the conversation around body image.
Negative body image is not reserved for skinny people. And by extension, eating disorders are also not reserved for skinny people.
And that's part of the reason why Hélène-Horton worked with the Butterfly Foundation. The eating disorder helpline has worked to combat this dangerous stereotype of what an eating disorder "looks" like, engaging people such as Hélène-Horton, and fellow social media influencers Allira Potter and Deni Todorovic, to discuss the topic.
"There is a reality that eating disorders kill. But what's not shown is the fact that eating disorders affect people of all body types. When we're shown eating disorders, we're shown people who will waifish, we're shown people who are frighteningly thin," Hélène-Horton says.
"Those are not the only people that experience eating disorders and they still kill you, even if your body is not reflective of the standard eating disorder victim. That's part of the campaign that Butterfly and I talked about - that eating disorders can affect multiple different people, people of any gender, people of any body size, and people of any background.
"When we try to justify or balance perceived flaws or differences with the standard things that represent health and beauty and moral goodness, we create a narrative that still means you still have to do something to make yourself worthy. Which is a power shift."
- Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone the Butterfly Foundation Helpline 1800 33 4673 (1800 ED HELP).
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